r/unpopularopinion 9d ago

Women are NOT overly selective in dating

[removed] — view removed post

5.1k Upvotes

3.2k comments sorted by

u/unpopularopinion-ModTeam 8d ago

Hello, yes, your post is closely related to a megathread that you can find on the front page of the subreddit. Or a banned topic that you can see on the sidebar and fully expanded list. If you feel this is inaccurate, please message mod mail. Have a good day.

315

u/GodHelpMeISwear 8d ago edited 8d ago

I know a girl who's only requirement was that he drives a truck.

I thought that sounded silly too, until I met a couple of her former guys. It really was the ONLY criteria for her to have kids with somebody.

The fuck

E: Notifications off so people stop asking me what kinds of trucks girls like.

18

u/The_Night_Man_Cumeth 8d ago

If he trucks, she fucks

5

u/blunty_x 8d ago

The ol, if she smokes she pokes

→ More replies (1)

95

u/Eastern-Design 8d ago

Frankly even for that one requirement…that’s so bizarre. Could a man be absolutely perfect except he drives a minivan?

It’s ok to have standards that make sense, but your one standard of driving a truck is so silly.

63

u/GodHelpMeISwear 8d ago

Requirement isn't quite the right word, kind of a trump card. She'd go for guys that didn't drive trucks, but if a guy in a lifted dumpster entered the picture, the current guy driving the Civic would be on his way out pretty quick.

Don't date this girl, obviously, unless you like pain. I just mean to give an example that the bar really isn't as high as some guys think. Just having real world interests goes a pretty decent way.

20

u/BruceBannerscucumber 8d ago

Does she have a double barrelled first name and listen exclusively to Morgan Wallen?

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)

8

u/Anonimo_lo 8d ago

Is she organising a heist?

11

u/Lems944 8d ago

I feel like a lot of guys only requirement is kids. When I tell people I don’t want them sometimes the reaction is ‘well why are you dating?’ Or they think I don’t want anything serious. I’m like nope, I am also a human like you who would like companionship, not just an incubator.

7

u/SpeckTech314 8d ago

I feel like it’s the opposite from what I see. I don’t want kids and most guys I know don’t want kids either.

I’ve seen more women’s profiles wanting children rather than not in my experience.

For most guys the only requirement is probably just be pretty/not fat tbh.

5

u/Lems944 8d ago

I think it depends on age as well. I’m approaching my 30s so I guess around the time people think about that stuff but in practice they’d feel differently. I think it’s putting the cart before the horse anyway, I know women that want children, but with the right person.

4

u/[deleted] 8d ago

People can afford kids these days?

→ More replies (5)
→ More replies (11)

2.2k

u/MahKa02 9d ago

People just have to stop clumping everyone together based on gender, race, etc because there are so many varying personalities out there. One woman may indeed be picky while the next is not. One man may be misogynistic while the next is not. So on and so on.

Basically, don't let the eco chamber of social media influence your opinions or thoughts too much. You have to actually experience the dating scene and it may take some time to actually find someone you click with. One or a few bad experiences doesn't equate to that entire gender being that way.

451

u/AlwaysWorking2880 8d ago

yes i think this is the culprit. there's no such thing as "women" as a whole being selective/not selective. these are individuals.

263

u/Cleverdawny1 8d ago

Women are... People? Whaaaaaaaaat?

152

u/Star_Wargaming 8d ago

I'm not buying it. I've owned my wife for 4 years now, and I've yet to see any evidence that she's a person.

91

u/BeenThereDoneThatX4 8d ago

not buying it

owned my wife for 4 years now

Seems like you already bought it

15

u/privus_ah 8d ago

Maybe he traded for it and owns it that way

11

u/tmon530 8d ago

Have you seen game stop trade ins lately? No way he got it with just trades

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (4)
→ More replies (6)
→ More replies (14)
→ More replies (12)

118

u/Straight-Banana-1943 8d ago

It gets so exhausting listening to people try and put everyone and everything into perfect little boxes. I really hope a lot of people who need to, read your comment and have it click.

28

u/pickyourteethup 8d ago

People love simple black and white answers. Unfortunately everything is usually gray and confusingly it's actually possible for two opposing things to be true at once, because the world is so complex and there are so many interactions between everything. It's quite beautiful but somewhat overwhelming and unsettling, which is why people want black and white answers

7

u/Reineken 8d ago

People love simple black and white answers.

Nice generalization you got there, mate

/s

→ More replies (1)

6

u/Riggs630 8d ago

That’s why I decided to just put people into perfect little boxes myself. It’s messy but it works

→ More replies (7)
→ More replies (6)

49

u/RollTide16-18 8d ago

Actually, I think people were being a bit less selective when there were more rigid social structures and greater cultural expectations.

That’s not to say I think we shouldn’t be expanding our social circles and getting to know a lot of people outside of the norms we grew up with. But I think there was a time where it was a lot easier to settle down when the dating pool was smaller, and what you could expect out of someone when you tried to date them was much more rigid.

I guess what I’m saying is, is that expanding your expectations and dating pool leads to a whole lot of people who don’t meet those expectations. It’s not just a cultural or racial thing, it’s an everything kind of thing. And as we’ve seen with dating apps, often times the top of the crop get wayyyyy more attention than the middle of the pack. We might’ve actually made it harder for middle of the pack people to realize they should connect.

10

u/sparklingdinosaur 8d ago

In the 19th century, many people never married, even in upper society. In that time and much before that, being born as a second son or daughter almost certainly meant that marriage was not an option, even just financially. I think the notion that it used to be easier to "find someone" comes from the this last century, in which gender roles in western society were ultra rigid, and marrying was expected for everyone

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (8)

63

u/RedditSucksNow3 8d ago

The problem here is not generalizing. It's the category.

Highly attractive women are indeed extremely selective about their dating/mating practices. And this isn't a character flaw or social ill. It's the only possible human response to the volume of offers they are fielding. They literally cannot date or fuck every guy who shoots his shot. There aren't enough hours in the day for them to do this and still live their lives in any meaningful capacity.

As the relative attractiveness of the woman decreases, so do her offers. So women who are not generally considered "highly attractive" are not going to be as selective. They will still, in my experience and by most of their own accounts, still be more selective than a man with the same relative attractiveness. But that is mostly a function of being the recipient of offers, rather than the initiatior.

38

u/PonytailEnthusiast 8d ago

I think something you’re missing is women can survive, get a credit card and a mortgage on their own now, so they can choose no one. Even if you aren’t getting a lot of offers, you can turn down one you get if you’re not feeling it which wasn’t always the case.

9

u/MarketLittle625 8d ago

Absolutely. In many cases women CAN be overly selective and that's absolutely fine. Just like men can be overly selective. But, in reality, I just see people aren't selective enough. People these days seem to tolerate terrible behavior so easily.

→ More replies (8)
→ More replies (36)

30

u/T-Shurts 8d ago

A lot has changed in the 10 years my wife and I have been together, but I had a handful of atrocious dates, all women I met in person or through a mutual friend.

Got tired of it, and tried jumping on Match.com during one of their free comms weekends.

All’s said and done now, but my point is, it’s totally dependent on circumstances. Like you said, it’s not a “lump everyone into the same category” type of thing.

48

u/matow07 8d ago

My wife and I also met on Match.com. I tell this story sometimes of how we ended up on our first date.

After joining and creating my profile I took a “cast a wide net” approach to try and start things moving. I “liked” and emailed ~3,400 women within a 25 mile radius. Took me about 6 hours of copy and paste. I received 15 responses and only one was willing to go on a date, and that was my wife.

I got lucky and I play it off as “fate,” but at that time it felt discouraging. I got the impression that most women my age, 23-24 y/o at the time, were very picky or just didn’t care to even meet anyone that absolutely wasn’t “perfect” face to face.

37

u/MahKa02 8d ago

Me meeting my wife was somewhat similar in terms of blind luck I suppose. I was about to delete some app because I hardly ever used it so I opened it one last time before deleting and on my homepage was some art that I thought was awesome ( I'm an artist myself).

I saw her profile picture and thought she was gorgeous so I decided to message her and compliment her art. She replies and that led to 6 months of video calls, texts, etc until we finally met in New York. The rest is history, been married for 6 years now and couldn't be happier.

To think that I was mere seconds/minutes away from deleting that app and never contacting her. I wonder how different my life would be, how hers would be. Just grateful I didn't delete it.

5

u/Brilliant-Royal3989 8d ago

How miraculous your story is!

26

u/BalaclavaSportsHall 8d ago

This is so illustrative of the problem. You messaged 3,400 women. So many men are doing similar. This means women are getting inundated, and it is extremely overwhelming. I was picky on dating apps because I had to be. Even being picky I got overwhelmed fast and ended up ghosting some good guys who didn't deserve it because I shut down when I'm anxious. I don't mean this to be blame-y, I realize it's extremely tough from the guys end getting so few responses and of effort and getting ghosted when they do get a response. It leads even more to casting super wide nets like that. It's a vicious cycle and the structure of modern dating apps encourages it even more because keeping people swiping and paying for superlikes to stand out makes them money.

3

u/NothingLikeCoffee 8d ago

I got lucky and I play it off as “fate,” but at that time it felt discouraging. I got the impression that most women my age, 23-24 y/o at the time, were very picky or just didn’t care to even meet anyone that absolutely wasn’t “perfect” face to face.

That's why I try to avoid using apps like Tinder. I know I'm unfortunate looking (zero hair due to alopecia universalis and overweight) and any time I've used it getting zero matches just kills my self worth.

4

u/cantthinkofcutename 8d ago

They copy/paste may have been the issue. I never did dating sites, but a lot of my friends complained about generic messages where you could tell the guy hadn't read her profile and was just "casting a wide net".

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (14)

11

u/castleaagh 8d ago

It’s a maybe a bit outdated, but ok Cupid released some research from their site awhile back that showed women rated 80% of men on the cite as below average in attractiveness, while men’s rating of women fell into a proper bell curve. Women rarely found men to be average in attractiveness, much less actually attractive.

The study does indicate that women are more selective than men. Whether they are overly selective is where one’s opinion would reside.

Source

Yes, individuals are unique and different but when talking about things in a general sense, it makes sense to generalize and take data over a population of people

→ More replies (5)

7

u/electricElephant22 8d ago

I just think people in general have certain amount of rejections in a row they can take before it breaks them.

And it is much lower than we think it is.

Getting rejected 10 times in proportion to world population is nothing. But in terms of subjective feeling is way to much for most people.

Now add dating apps where you can get rejected/ghosted 100 times in a week no problem.

It will feel like it is all women. Even though again compared to world population 100 is nothing.

More and more I start to believe that luck is the most important factor in dating. If I my gf would be my first or second try I would be here too spouting how easy dating is.

→ More replies (39)

710

u/Darth_Rutsula 8d ago

I would compare the women side of dating as a shitty all you can eat buffet where most of the food will get you sick and there's those one or two plates that are fresh from the kitchen that are actually pretty good.

For the men, it would be a shitty restaurant where it takes them an hour just to get you your drink order and another 3 for the food that still can get you sick.

541

u/Kumquatelvis 8d ago

I've heard that for men, dating is like trying to find clean water in a desert, and for women, it's like trying to find clean water in a swamp.

125

u/Vegetable_Safety_331 8d ago

I saw a mudcrab the other day ... horrible creatures ...

44

u/Chrissy_____ 8d ago

Love the little seller guy from Morrowind. Mudcrabs are cute

21

u/Affectionate_Oil_331 8d ago

I don't know you, and I don't care to know you.

10

u/Vegetable_Safety_331 8d ago

Heard any news from the other provinces?

8

u/Affectionate_Oil_331 8d ago

Nothing I'd like to talk about.

9

u/Vegetable_Safety_331 8d ago

Good day!!

4

u/Fark1ng 8d ago

ARGH! OOAF! FOR THE EMPER… ARGH!

9

u/Vegetable_Safety_331 8d ago

Bodies still warm... there's a killer about

→ More replies (1)

3

u/No_Bus_3935 8d ago

Know any elves? Hahahahahahahahah

→ More replies (1)

40

u/FannyPackFresh 8d ago

One kid dying of thirst in the desert doesn't understand how the other is dying of thirst on the ocean.

→ More replies (5)
→ More replies (33)

28

u/TheRealDestian 8d ago

Accurate.

22

u/amatrix_ 8d ago

Perfect analogy. And, yes, I agree that dating sucks for everyone for different reasons.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (62)

690

u/[deleted] 9d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

464

u/Affectionate_Iron998 8d ago

“I’d like it he didn’t punch holes is the walls when I asked him to clean up his dish. But if it’s just his way of expressing his emotions I’m ok with it.”-Me when I was 20. God help her.

109

u/Swimmingtortoise12 8d ago

Sooooo picky, how are we supposed to meet those demands?? Kyle-ing drywall is in our DNA!

16

u/DaburuKiruDAYO 8d ago

Made me snort

4

u/Coriandercilantroyo 8d ago

Why is it always Kyle?

6

u/Swimmingtortoise12 8d ago

I don’t know, it got chosen as a “monster energy bro douche who’s angry all the time”, but I’ve never met anyone named Kyle that was like that. Every Kyle I have known has either been laid back and goofy, or just a decent but quiet dude. I feel like Karen to female made a little sense because I’ve met bitchy literal Karen’s.

44

u/micumpleanoseshoy 8d ago

Omg girl, consensual virtual hug from me to you

→ More replies (1)

22

u/Helpful-Hawk-3585 8d ago

Hahaha a guy once hit me with a guitar because he was frustrated that he couldn’t get his erection to last.

….and I gave him another chance aaaahhhhh

→ More replies (1)

13

u/Fuz8ion 8d ago

Men with BPD be like

→ More replies (4)

26

u/mikennjr 8d ago

Those lists were full of quite frankly bare minimum requirements, like being clean, loyal, having a stable job etc. and the girls still got bombarded with hate for having unrealistic standards

154

u/SwampPotato 8d ago

Get off social media. Most people are getting upset at 'trends' that only exist on TikTok or Twitter. The algorithm is feeding you rage porn.

73

u/Way2Based 8d ago

That's why we all got recommended this post in our feeds. The bitch ass algorithm.

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (3)
→ More replies (204)

197

u/Altarna 8d ago

Society as a whole in western society is just too neurotic and disconnected from reality. You don’t just meet someone randomly anymore and go “hey, I like X too” and start up conversation. Those places don’t exist anymore. Everything is attached to social media (apps, sites, etc) and is clinical and not human anymore. You’re not catching a vibe. It’s “I want X Y Z in a person because these sliders on my apps have to mean I can get that in life” rather than meeting a person organically.

TLDR social media is toxic and making people get off their phones and give a shit about another person solves pretty much all this. Be a decent human being and look for a decent human being. Everything else is superficial

76

u/Significant-Ride-830 8d ago

A lack of affordable public spaces has undoubtedly affected dating scene in most cities. Everything is an expensive event or $10 drinks. Once upon a time, more people could afford to go out much more frequently. I fondly miss the pre-smartphone world, it was glorious, and there was much more natural interacting. Going out was cheaper, and high rent/cost of living wasn’t a thing holding people back. I don’t envy the young dating scene these days. It doesn’t look as fun, and people seem much more wary of each other. Chasing girls used be simple and natural and now you have men following girls instagrams that they aren’t even dating or don’t even know. Like, go out get the real thing. Stop scrolling or swiping and learn some charm in the real world.

4

u/Altarna 8d ago

This. I appreciate your more succinct answer to my comment. Affordable public places are huge and aren’t all over the country, no matter what people may assume. It’s also silly that people need to dig online in order to find and vet a group vs just…going out and finding stuff, especially affordable stuff

→ More replies (2)

39

u/caguru 8d ago

Those places where you meet people randomly on public still 100% exist. People just don’t understand how to get off their damn phone and enjoy them.

10

u/Arn4r64890 quiet person 8d ago

I hate phone culture. You can go to NYC or DC and easily see so many people staring at their phones and it's like... you can get off your phone for a few minutes and watch where you're walking. The majority of people who look at their phones while walking tend to walk slow too.

→ More replies (6)
→ More replies (8)
→ More replies (31)

445

u/[deleted] 9d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

246

u/DeviantAvocado 8d ago

If anything, women stay in shitty and abusive relationships for far too long.

→ More replies (65)

87

u/scrambledeggs2020 8d ago

Not unpopular among women.

55

u/galaxychildxo 8d ago

yeah but their opinions don't matter /s

→ More replies (22)
→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (51)

299

u/AntiVictimhood 9d ago

Yeah I agree.

I do think men have it harder in online dating (in terms of getting a match), just simply looking at the fact that men occupy over 80% of the profiles on nearly all dating apps/sites, so they naturally have fewer options (of course this is assuming heterosexuality).

And I think more men than women are dating for sex rather than a relationship (or looking for sex and are open to the possibility of a relationship developing). And obviously one's motives for dating will influence the rigidity and nature of their standards.

If I were dating primarily or only for sex/something short term, my criteria would be DRAMATICALLY different and more minimal than dating for a relationship.

86

u/[deleted] 8d ago

[deleted]

66

u/guywithaniphone22 8d ago

That’s like everyone though right? The type of person you’d fuck and the type of person you’d bring home to your family. They aren’t always the same but some times they are

48

u/Skylarias 8d ago

For women, it's nearly always the same person...

Women aren't often going to have sex with someone they'd be ashamed to be seen with.

17

u/NeatChocolate6 8d ago

Ofcourse! Every time women have sex they have to live with the probability of becoming pregnant.

9

u/Dogstile 8d ago

You and I know different women, apparently. At this point i'm 90% sure i'm only ever seen as a "for fun" option, but i'll never get introduced to family or friends.

→ More replies (5)
→ More replies (7)
→ More replies (9)

94

u/Degleewana007 8d ago

maybe its because Im in my 20s, but when I was trying to date I found the opposite to be true

almost every girl was just dating for hook ups, none of them wanted a relationship or anything longterm

but eventually I became content with being single and stopped dating so it aint my problem anymore

73

u/woaharedditacc 8d ago

I think it's really switched over the last 20 years or so. Women are much less interested in marriage in general. The whole idea of women urgently wanting to settle down and men just wanting to date around is largely untrue today, in my experience.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (13)

59

u/bloatedrat 8d ago

It’s really the former, dating apps are a business first. I wish more men would realize that and complain about the service that’s exploiting them rather than turning their anger on innocent women.

15

u/LongDickPeter 8d ago

This is it right here.

9

u/TheSpiral11 8d ago

There are also like 3-4 times more men on dating apps than women. So even if every single woman said yes to the first man who hit her up, there still wouldn't be nearly enough women to go around. I wish men would keep this in mind instead of acting like it's individual women being too "picky" that's the problem.

→ More replies (2)

53

u/Callioperainbow 8d ago edited 8d ago

This is such a good point! When I did online dating, most men I came across put on their profiles, open to something casual, but then a lot of them would also put looking for a relationship. It’s kind of like, well which one is it? Are you looking for just casual sex or an actual committed relationship?

I know a lot of guys have the mentality that they will take casual sex if it’s presented to them, but to a lot of women, it kind of seems like you don’t know what you want and aren’t intentional when you say that you want casual sex but also want a relationship if it just ‘happens’…Many women genuinely looking for a relationship will be turned off by men who say they want casual sex but open to a relationship. It seems like these men need to play the field more before committing to declaring that they’re looking for a real relationship.

Because let’s flip it, how would a man who is looking for a committed relationship feel if a woman is open to casual sex but also open to a relationship? So she’ll have causal sex with as many guys she wants and then when you come along, she’ll want a relationship…maybe some won’t mind this but a lot of people want someone who is as intentional as they are regarding pursuing something serious. A lot of people are looking for someone to marry and create a life with! Just my two cents :)

46

u/Half-a-Fork 8d ago

The men who put both casual and serious on their profile don't care if they put off women who are looking only for something serious because the women who are looking for something casual don't care if that man puts both casual and serious on their profile.

9

u/Callioperainbow 8d ago

I guess that’s pretty simple but true.

→ More replies (4)

12

u/ressurectingphoenix 8d ago

No what I think most guys mean buy that is that they would like to meet someone serious but they wouldn’t be opposed to having some fun if it doesn’t work out that way.

I’ve met girls who point blank ask you if you are ok with marrying the next person you date, and idk that seems like a pretty bad way to get into a relationship/marriage. Like of course Yes if you really like being with them, but it just seems pretty stupid to think your next partner will be the person you marry

→ More replies (2)

64

u/purpleuneecorns 8d ago

In my experience, a lot of men lie about what they're looking for because they think that they'll get more sex that way. I think it stems from the stereotype that women are clingy and only looking for long-term relationships, so if he lures her in on the premise of dating, she'll be more likely to sleep with him and then he can just bounce. Guys, please just tell the truth. This is manipulative behavior and I promise there are tons of women out there who just want to fuck.

15

u/TVR_Speed_12 8d ago

Alot of women aren't so open about being down to fuck, due to negative reputation and dangers. Alot are but they aren't open about it, it's something you wouldn't know unless you already knew the person

39

u/Callioperainbow 8d ago

Exactly! Agreed that men will put ‘looking for a relationship’ on their profile because they know that’s what women want to hear.

→ More replies (53)
→ More replies (12)
→ More replies (14)

21

u/Additional-Local8721 8d ago

It's hard to generalize 8B people on the planet. Everyone has different experiences, and their own personal experiences build their beliefs and reality. There can be a multitude of reasons for any number of arguments. Your reality will not be everyone else's reality.

→ More replies (1)

662

u/[deleted] 9d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

193

u/More_Philosopher_393 9d ago

I’ve been getting down on myself, because I’m lonely and a relationship sounds nice. Beat myself up a lot over why it seems like I haven’t been able to find anyone the last year or two. Whenever I start thinking like that, I remind myself:

1) You’re attractive, charming, and women historically have liked you. 2) Buuuut, you literally almost never leave the house except for work. 3) When you do get a number by chance, you almost never call them. 4) You’re an alcoholic mess, who in their right mind wants to be a part of that?

It’s not me, it’s the way I’ve been living. I can’t be upset about not having a girlfriend when I haven’t even actually been trying. Relationships don’t just fall into your lap, they take work on several levels.

Women aren’t being picky, I’m just being super sloppy.

56

u/IheartJBofWSP 8d ago

Good on you for being honest bro!

47

u/[deleted] 8d ago edited 1d ago

[deleted]

5

u/More_Philosopher_393 8d ago

I used to assign my self-worth to my accomplishments and deeds. Then some real shit happened, and I lost almost everything. Had to learn real quick that I’m not defined by anything but the actions I choose to take going forward. Mistakes happen, tragedies happen, life is fundamentally very messy. I used to hate myself for the way I fucked up my life, but now I view it as a blessing in a way: I had to lose everything to see that I was still a worthwhile person once all the garnish was removed. My life is not great right now, but I don’t actually hate myself anymore. I get disappointed in myself sometimes, I feel frustrated when I don’t make the progress I want with my life, but there’s been a very fundamental shift. I failed so spectacularly these last two years, that I don’t really beat myself up over failure anymore. It’s a ridiculous thing to say, but I don’t think I had ever really had to accept the fact that I was just a human being. So, when I failed like every human being does, I tortured myself over it. Now, I’ve had pretty much all of my inadequacies shoved into my face to the point where I’ve finally allowed myself a measure of grace.

70

u/Ok_Level2595 9d ago

I'm proud of you brother. That kind of self-awareness is proof that you can get yourself out of the slump and move on to better things. Treat yourself honestly but kindly, and I'm sure things will get a lot better for you.

→ More replies (20)

233

u/accidentalscientist_ 9d ago

They also don’t realize that posts that go viral online like the Cheesecake Factory woman and all those videos where they ask the women what salary they want their potential partner to make and it’s some obscenely high number just aren’t realistic and are often fake. These posts are made to get a reaction because reactions get clicks, shares, and likes. They aren’t a good representation of what women think. They’re going around because they’re so outlandish. But too many people can’t see it’s real.

Like just look around to the women in your life. How many have partners who make $400k per year or demand they do? I don’t know any. How many women do you know would refuse to go to Cheesecake Factory on a date beyond a reason like just not liking it? I don’t know any.

But these people don’t go out and talk to women. They get their “information” about women and dating women from online posts that are designed to be so ridiculous they get your attention. If they actually talked to women, they’d see this isn’t the case with a vast majority of them. Of course there’s some delusional women like that out there. There’s also men who are equally as delusional. But it is far from being a majority of either group. But they don’t go outside and talk to people and don’t realize that.

121

u/emperorpalpatine_ 8d ago

Well if they touch grass and find out women aren’t like that, then they would have to actually go out there and try and possibly still fail so it’s easier to just say all women are gold diggers

82

u/Secret-Skill-5411 8d ago

I got into a tangle with one Incel who told me I was only with my husband for his money. Had no clue what to say when I told him I make more than he does.

83

u/flyingsammi 8d ago

I married my geeky, scruffy, average-height gamer guy and had someone tell me I must have married him for his ‘resources’. At the time, I made triple what he did. When I mentioned that, I got a DM demanding to know his penis size, because obviously women only go for men based on their height, wallet or penis.

They can’t fathom that the thing that matters most to a lot of women, personality, is the biggest thing they lack.

26

u/guywithaniphone22 8d ago

But it is huge right ?

→ More replies (9)
→ More replies (3)

63

u/accidentalscientist_ 8d ago

For sure. Too many people say “all women are shit and awful and gold diggers” because it’s easier then going out and MUCH harder than looking at yourself and saying “would I date myself?” That’s another big issue.

27

u/TheRalphExpress 8d ago

100%.

Easier to blame society / women / your height than it is to take accountability

22

u/YoRHa_Houdini 8d ago edited 8d ago

This is the problem. I’m going to try to explain this.

But average men, in the demographic we’re speaking of are adolescents/young adults(keep that in mind) whose primary activities consist of the internet, hanging out with their friends, school and possibly a job.

Let’s say some of these men have been feeling resentful of the dating market, believing that all women only value men materially(income, appearance, property). Now clearly that isn’t true, but that is how they feel.

The problem encountered, is that the popular response to this sentiment(even in this very thread) isn’t not all women define/value you by such superficial qualities, nor should you, it’s instead have you tried maximizing every superficial quality about yourself before approaching women?

And to a young impressionable man who may be going down a dark thought process, this response doesn’t disavow that perception, and just confirms it in a more politically correct way.

→ More replies (4)
→ More replies (3)

17

u/Hopeful-Ant-3509 8d ago

My bf and I went to Cheesecake Factory and I wouldn’t want to go on a date there either 😄 it was a terrible experience

20

u/accidentalscientist_ 8d ago

I’ve been on a date or two to Cheesecake Factory. It was EXPENSIVE! for what we got. Never got the cheesecake due to that! I’d go again now that I make more money. But if I was dating, I wouldn’t deny a date there. It’s like chilis. Chilis sucks. But for me, a date is where I get to know someone. I’ll find something to eat. Food isn’t the main thing at least for me and the people I know. Unless it’s like their ONE place they won’t go and that goes for all the time, not just a date.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (14)

88

u/KayCeeBayBeee 9d ago

yeah I had this moment a couple years ago when I was stuck in this haze of remote work at a dead end job, being stoned all the time, spending most of my free time gaming or watching shows.

It hit me like “why would any woman, nevermind a healthy and well adjusted one, want to date me? What the hell do I have to offer?”

so I made proactive decisions to become a healthier, more social, more interesting me. Gave up computer games and started putting all my energy into things that have some sort of long term benefit.

Now I’ve got more friends, more hobbies, I’m healthier, happier, and what do you know - not only can I get dates but I can talk about myself in a way that I’m proud of on those dates!

98

u/SchrodingersDickhead hermit human 9d ago

I get the sentiment of this but I don't get why people think you can't game and have a partner, lol. Gaming is a hobby in itself and it's a perfectly decent one. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Both me and my husband game. Its not like video games repel women or something.

66

u/KayCeeBayBeee 9d ago

oh yeah completely agree, my relationship with gaming just wasn’t healthy so I quit cold turkey.

I’d stay up late gaming which made me sleep poorly, sluggish at work, “too tired” to so much after work so I’d head up to bed around 8:30, fire up the laptop, rinse, repeat. My poor habits were the problem, but the games themselves, but cutting the games helped me fix those habits

37

u/SchrodingersDickhead hermit human 9d ago

Ah, got you.

I was probably a bit defensive there, I've been gaming since I was a child and yet still hear a lot of "girls hate gaming" type comments weirdly.

23

u/itsTacoOclocko 8d ago

i think a lot of those are coming from men who don't want to understand the difference between 'hating gaming' and 'hating that their partner or previous partner neglects her, his hygiene, and their home in favor of constant gaming'.

37

u/lllollllllllll 8d ago

Girls don’t hate gaming

Girls hate when guys game instead of hanging out with them. That’s totally different, nobody wants a neglectful partner. But it doesn’t actually matter if that partner is prioritizing gaming or golfing or drinking w their buddies or getting manicures (if you could get manicures at 9 o’clock at night lol) over them, it’s not about the hobby, it’s about not getting enough couples time.

14

u/Letter-Past 8d ago

And yet just about every game we grew up with had women writing (The legacy of kain series), women composers (mega man, castlevania), women voice actors, producers, etc. The list goes on. Women have always been in gaming

19

u/Tricky_Dog1465 8d ago

I do online games and d&d, you have no idea how many men assume in lying about playing. Not only do I play, I dungeon master, so usually my knowledge gets through to them if I choose to go down that road

12

u/SchrodingersDickhead hermit human 8d ago

I married my DM lol, and yeah I've come across the same sort of attitudes online

5

u/Tricky_Dog1465 8d ago

I love that!

5

u/decantered 8d ago

Oh my goddddd you married your DM, you are living the dream girl!

→ More replies (3)
→ More replies (1)

24

u/accidentalscientist_ 9d ago

I don’t think the issue was gaming, but it sounds like it was JUST gaming. They didn’t go out and socialize, didn’t have any other hobbies of substance, it got in the way of other things. Gaming is a perfectly fine hobby. My partner likes to game. But it’s one of those hobbies where it’s easy to let it take over and cut out other important parts of your life because it’s at home, more passive, and often less social.

→ More replies (7)

13

u/FeanorBlu 8d ago

In my personal experience, it's less about gaming and more about time management. If you're gaming all the time, you're never meeting people. Of course men aren't finding women who want to date them if they aren't meeting people in general. Managing gaming in such a way that you have time for a meaningful social life is so incredibly important.

→ More replies (21)
→ More replies (5)

23

u/theoryslostshoe 8d ago

Number 1 is it, really. They talk to one girl every three years and when that girl rejects them it's "all women..."

→ More replies (2)

20

u/lan60000 8d ago

Broad generalization of an entire demographic stems from ignorance. See more at 10.

You are the same as those you criticize.

6

u/magic6op 8d ago

The second one just seems like something they saw a guy do on Reddit lmao

36

u/Flashy_Let2021 8d ago
  1. They're not as receptive to it nowadays.
  2. Some might but this is a generalization with no backing data.
  3. See 2
  4. See 2
  5. See 2
  6. Yeah that'd be pretty dumb but again see 2

It' ls fkn rough trying to date as a guy. I workout daily, hike, make above avg for my age bracket, avg looks, 5'9.5 but I put 5'9 on my profile. I've had the same 12 likes for a month and a hald and have run out of "swipes in my area" multiple times and not seen these mystery women who like me.

Ive been so burnt out trying to meet someone on any of the apps that I dip into incel thinking like "women are too picky" but I quickly remind myself that most dating nowadays IS happening through apps. And these apps actively try to keep you on them.

Ive run out of swipes in my area multiple times but funny enough I can see under the popular tab (on tinder) that there's plenty of people to swipe on.

I think it'd be super interesting if something ever happens to tinder and we get a peek at their business strategy because it's definitely to keep people single. And this lack of sucess on something like Tinder pushes people into those incel ridden manospheres.

I could try to go out more to meet people but fuck it's expensive and bills/mental health come first. It's a real shit sandwich.

18

u/bloatedrat 8d ago

You got it right with Tinder’s business model they’ve disrupted and are profiting off a basic human social function. I shouldn’t complain I had plenty of luck with tinder back in the day, but now that they’ve more or less monopolized the market they don’t have to provide as good a service. See also Uber.

13

u/AnyEnglishWord 8d ago

Meeting people in person is hard. I tried being as sociable as I could, work permitting, for a couple of years without (much) app use. During that time, I met four women who might have been single, none of whom I found attractive (and two of whom I didn't even like).

→ More replies (9)

30

u/NessOnett8 8d ago

I don't complain about it, but a lot of women are picky. Source: I have primarily female friends. And I talk to them about their dating lives and experiences.

I don't complain because there's nothing to complain about. You can't blame them for being picky if the dynamic allows them to be. But you're delusional if you refuse to accept that there's a gender disparity in the dating world. Most women even freely admit this.

Which is to say you should take your own advice. The one about not making generalizations about large groups of people.

9

u/YakubsRevenge 8d ago

Yeah. I don't get why people are bending over backwards to deny a simple fact.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (60)

100

u/FadedGardenia 8d ago edited 8d ago

From experience, saying something along the lines of “I just wanted a serious relationship/Im looking to settle down with someone I love” is a Nono to many guys for some reason. It scares them away like plague and I’m very confused about it whenever I say this is my standard. Often times they would say positive things about me but when it comes to dating, they run fast. The thing for me is, life is short and I want to spend as much of it with the person I care about. I do not want to waste my time on people that wants to come and go whenever they please. Unfortunately people disagree with me not through their words, but through their actions

10

u/sropeo 8d ago

As a guy it would not scare me because I want a long term deep connection relationship

→ More replies (26)

137

u/Queasy-Cherry-11 8d ago

The idea that someone can be 'overly selective' is a strange one to me. Either they have enough options that those standards are being met, or they choose to remain single. Either way, it's not a problem for her, so why would she decide she should lower her standards for the sake of men?

To me it just suggests that at their core, they think women should exist to make men's lives easier, instead of to live their own lives according to their wants and desires. And that attitude is far more likely to keep you single than your height or income.

32

u/Ok-Zookeepergame5625 8d ago

This^ I know red flags I’ve fallen for in the past and I remove a guy from my life the moment he displays one. It’s ruthless but it makes space for guys that are worth my time.

33

u/WaffleConeDX 8d ago

Right even if there preferences were ridiculous why get mad about it? Just move on.

→ More replies (1)

12

u/WatcherOfStarryAbyss 8d ago

Either they have enough options that those standards are being met, or they choose to remain single.

You're forgetting that they might also just be tired. Very, very tired.

The choice is made for you if you're perpetually too tired to do anything about your relationship status.

IME it's usually the consequence of a non-existent support network and poor mental health. Which combine to produce bad habits that perpetuate the cycle. When the issue is depression, or dysthymia, the "you're choosing not to pull yourself up by the bootstraps because you'd do something about it if you actually wanted to be better" advice is actively harmful.

→ More replies (16)

125

u/modidlee 8d ago edited 7d ago

I think most guys problem is a lack of sex appeal. No matter how nice you are, or how physically put together you are, if a woman doesn’t think “I want to f*ck him” when she’s around a guy, she won’t really want to date him. All my relationships, marriage, flings, situationships, hookups, etc, started because the woman was sexually attracted and then they found out I’m a decent guy. Guys thinking that if they just be a decent, stand up guy women will want to be with them. They don’t understand how these things work.

41

u/Half-a-Fork 8d ago

Yeah I've been trying to understand how to get sex appeal but I'm coming up with a whole lotta nothing burger. Just "be confident" is the main thing apparently? I am confident and am usually just being me, but I'm finding that who I am is not someone that makes women think "I want to fuck him".

→ More replies (65)

55

u/KinseysMythicalZero 8d ago

I think the problem is that they do understand it. But if a semi-attractive "decent woman" wanted to bang them, they wouldn't say no, and they are angry at the difference in standards.

→ More replies (1)

61

u/Imoutthegame 8d ago

Bingo, people ignore this because unfortunately most men haven’t experienced being a girls “dream guy”. When you get that dynamic and realize “oh, THIS is how girls treat guys THEY like”. It changes your perspective when you truly understand women will ALWAYS make an effort for a guy they like. They’ll initiate contact often, ask you to hang out, offer to pay for things on dates, etc. It’s just tough because physical desire is based on many immutable traits.

In the end, threads/questions like this are meaningless because women play into the games they all play.

8

u/JustiFyTheMeansGames 8d ago

I've had three women tell me they were crushing hard for me in the past, and none of them did any of that stuff. I've only had one woman do anything like that, and we dated for a while. I don't think that's a universal rule, at least not in my experience.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (10)

34

u/Haberdashery_ 8d ago

Also many guys don't understand how to be attractive. 90% of online dating photos are men in the gym, holding a fish, in their car, pouting in some weird selfie in bed or it's some blurry photo of them playing sport. There is zero sex appeal.

18

u/lucksh0t 8d ago

How dose a guy on a dating app show sex appeal then?

→ More replies (2)

7

u/HomeCalendar37 8d ago

90% of the photos I see women post are them in a bar in a group or for some reason them stood in front of some neon wings

6

u/bmoreboy410 8d ago

Women often think that they know more or do things better when men are actually just easier to please.

→ More replies (6)
→ More replies (24)

109

u/RedModsSuck 8d ago

Statistics say you are wrong. The number of single people and later in life virgins has grown dramatically in the past two decades, and social media and online dating do appear to have something to do with it.

65

u/Karglenoofus 8d ago

Can't believe I had to scroll this far to find a second take like this. Most comments agreeing with this just provide personal biased experience.

9

u/JCDentoncz 8d ago

Redditors have a problem with empathy and think that their personal experience is the same for everyone/should be the same for everyone.

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (1)

35

u/Arn4r64890 quiet person 8d ago

I gave you an upvote because most of this thread is just anecdotes while you're actually talking about data.

→ More replies (2)

3

u/hennesch 8d ago

Don’t come with facts man …

→ More replies (13)

52

u/HibiscusOnBlueWater 8d ago

This is especially true for black women. Most black women I know just want a man with a job. The job is negotiable. I know so many black women who never married, and even more who settled for a guy with no job, kid(s) from prior relationships, bad debt, or some other major red flag that most other women would consider a deal breaker. These women are college educated home owners making mid to high six figures and no kids, settling for anybody with a pulse. My only requirements when I was dating was “must be a gamer”, because anybody who wasn't was going to be frustrated with me fast, and they had to have a car because I didn’t live in a public transportation area. Literally anything else was negotiable. Online dating was a mess because I was honest and put my race as black. Most men don’t want a black woman. In person I’d get hit on by almost everybody because I present as racially ambiguous. Most men think I’m some kind of latina or mixed asian.

26

u/Basic-Drag-8087 8d ago edited 8d ago

I feel like this is almost an epidemic. I see so many black women lowering their standards and settling for broke bums with multiple baby mamas and no jobs, who then abandon their kids. This of course happens with other races but I’ve noticed this especially with BM.

→ More replies (1)

17

u/zoopzoot 8d ago

Yep I used to know a white guy that would complain that his apps were dry and he wasn’t getting any matches. He showed me his tinder and he had like twenty matches from black women… but to him that wasn’t even considered an option…I no longer acquaint with him

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (34)

11

u/quantumpencil 8d ago

Both things are true because there's no such thing as "women" and "men" just individuals who are not all the same.

There are population level average characteristics but zooming out that far is missing the point here.

There's a lot of unrealistic women who are lonely at 35 because they are delusional and want men who are never going to be interested in them.

However for every one of these women, there's a woman who is inexplicably devoted to a total loser and no one can understand why (I know several of these personally lol)

People are individuals first.

→ More replies (1)

122

u/toolateforfate 9d ago

On dating apps they are.

And before anyone says "Online dating is not real life" it's the most popular way to find a date in 2023 in the U.S. even regardless of age (and we all know this skews younger)

The top place to find dates according to 45% respondents was online dating apps, followed by being connected by a friend (33%) and concerts or festivals (32%)

https://www.forbes.com/health/dating/dating-statistics/

And it's growing even more popular every year.

The most recent figures show that there were over 366 million people using online dating services in 2022.

In 2023 that’s predicted to hit 384 million users worldwide.

Over the next five years, those figures are expected to rise at least another hundred million to a whopping 440 million people.

In the US alone this year, online daters are expected to reach 35 million, rising to 35.5 million in 2024.

https://hackspirit.com/online-dating-statistics/

90

u/TheRalphExpress 8d ago

I’d argue that the article is saying that it’s not that women are overly selective, but men are not selective enough. And that’s why the app currently taking market share is Hinge - it only gives you something like 8-10 likes per day so that men are forced to actually be selective.

Men tend to like a large proportion of the women they view but receive only a tiny fraction of matches in return—just 0.6 percent.

Women use the opposite strategy. They are far more selective about who they like but have a much higher matching rate of about 10 percent.

Another difference is the way men and women behave once they have received a match. Women tend to be far more engaged and more likely to send a message to their match. “Overall, we find that 21 percent of female matches send a message, whereas only 7 percent of male matches send a message,” say Tyson and co.

And women also take more time over their messages. Almost two-thirds of messages sent by men occur within five minutes of the match taking place, but only 18 percent of those sent by women. And men’s messages are shorter, too, averaging just 12 characters, presumable to say hi, hello, or something similar. By contrast, women’s messages are 122 characters long on average.

The article paints a picture of men, on average, using a “numbers game” sort of approach whereas women are using the app as it’s intended, to only match with a selection of people. The algorithm is more likely to work better for them because it learns “their type” as they go. It does for men too but most men’s type on the apps is “any woman”

12

u/zoopzoot 8d ago

I’m pretty sure there’s an algorithm on these apps that rates your attractiveness based on who returns your swipe. So the guys that swipe right on everything end up lowering their algorithm’s attractiveness rating and they get shown less in other women’s algorithms

→ More replies (1)

47

u/brokeballerbrand 8d ago

Gonna agree with that. One of my friends basically swiped right on everyone. Pretty sure his match % was less than 1%. Wasn’t an unattractive guy, but was a legitimate sex addict who would bang anything that was 18, consented and walked

20

u/toolateforfate 8d ago

I'd disagree because you're putting the blame on men. The article is saying women are forced into an overly selective strategy, and men are forced into a numbers game strategy. I liked this article in particular because it's not blaming anyone, and neither am I, but the facts are what they are.

→ More replies (37)

31

u/SwampPotato 8d ago

A crucial detail you miss is that women are vastly outnumbered by men on dating apps. A whopping 78% of Tinder users are men, all 'competing' against each other over a relatively small pool of women.

On top of that, women are more likely to look for relationships on Tinder, even long-term relationships! Men are statistically more likely to look for hookups or casual relationships, at least compared to women.

And last but not least women tend to be more selective already on dating apps for safety reasons. You're essentially vetting which random stranger you're going to meet up with, and that process extends to more than sexual or romantic attraction. Many women are just not overly keen on having an encounter with literally every guy they matched with. And then I am not even talking about all the creepy and unhinged messages women get from some men. This, without a doubt, makes them even more weary.

...So, what is the consequence of all this? Men are less selective for the factors I mentioned, and are all after the same 22% of women. To even have a shot at a match they have to lower their standards. Women, in the meantime, are being selective and notice it does not punish their prospects. They notice that if they only swipe right on the 7s, the 8s and the 9s that they still get matches. So why not up the bar some more? If I know the most appealing men on an app are also interested, why would I go with someone I find less appealing? Out of charity? Of course not. Nobody would do that.

→ More replies (8)
→ More replies (8)

4

u/the-arcanist--- 8d ago

Unpopular opinion? I'd kind of just like to be alone for a long while, and I'd like that to be okay.

4

u/Major_Act8033 8d ago

When a man says 'Women are too picky' what he really means is, 'The women I'm interested in don't pick me'.

51

u/MundaneGlass5295 8d ago edited 8d ago

Living with older sisters when I was younger helped teach me that women do not have higher standards than men, in fact, they need it

→ More replies (8)

77

u/Nipplespice 8d ago

That's why 60% of men are single and the majority want a relationship, because it's so easy. Your anecdotal experience trumps the mountains of data that show average men are at a huge disadvantage. But let's make popular opinions to make people feel better.

→ More replies (55)

132

u/[deleted] 8d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

26

u/[deleted] 8d ago

[deleted]

→ More replies (1)

45

u/TheRalphExpress 8d ago

I play a lot of volleyball and I found a perfect analogy for this phenomenon.

I’m 5’8, I wish I was 6’5 so I could just stand near the net and spike balls down. I’d be a better player. But I’m not, so instead I’ve figured out how to refine my game and maximize the skills and abilities I have with my own body.

It’s the same with dating. If I were 6’5 I’d be more popular with women. But I’m not, so I might as well make myself the most dateable 5’8 person there is.

15

u/modix 8d ago

So what you're saying that you... Wish you were a little bit taller.... You wish you were a baller?

4

u/NessOnett8 8d ago

Like the Serenity Prayer minus the God stuff.

→ More replies (13)
→ More replies (27)

10

u/bennypotato 8d ago

A lot of men simply do not have charisma or the ability to talk to people. It's simply how it is. They want to people to overlook this aspect but that's impossible

→ More replies (16)

126

u/[deleted] 9d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

53

u/oh-hidanny 8d ago

The amount of women who post about their dates refusing to wash their literal asshole is a testament to this.

→ More replies (7)
→ More replies (76)

19

u/Meddling-Kat 8d ago

If you are not overly selective, you are doing yourself a disservice.

I'm pretty selective and have never had an abusive or toxic relationship.

It's better to spend a little time alone than be in the wrong relationship.

→ More replies (2)

36

u/YetAnotherRedditApe 8d ago edited 8d ago

They should be. They have a bargaining advantage. Men are willing to sleep with anything that moves.

51

u/oh-hidanny 8d ago

They can get pregnant from sex, and die in childbirth or be forced to care for a child as a single mom (who are looked down on) for the rest of their lives.

Men would be picky too if that was the case.

→ More replies (11)
→ More replies (1)

12

u/Huntress_Nyx 8d ago

Generalisations are not good.

Putting all women or all men in the same category is not good, as they each individually have various standards, interests etc.

Also, in your own post you basically say that something is not applying to all women, but you say that something applies to all men. Kinda hypocritical don't you think?

→ More replies (1)

18

u/AngelsLoveDisasters 8d ago

People often forget that most men are looking for a casual hookup while most women want a stable relationship. Therefore men see themselves as less picky because they’re not typically looking for a life partner - just a sexual one. Women usually are looking for someone to provide multiple things, even if they are casual. Which isn’t picky, but it’s def asking for more than just a penis

→ More replies (4)

12

u/CaptainCaring 8d ago

When you're getting bitter shit from dudes/dudettes like that, the biggest common denominator tends to be entitlement. They will feel entitled to peoples' attention, so while to most rejection is a perfectly possible outcome and one they're prepared to deal with, entitled people will not. Those will be the men telling you it's all about selectivism. Those will also be the women telling you it's about how big your tits are, or something similar.

People serious about commitment can find and form it, but a lot of people conflate what they call a seriousness for commitment with just plain dependency.

→ More replies (2)

13

u/OkLibrary3 8d ago

3 days ago my friend from 7 years (20F) revealed to me that she has a list of what a man has to have to be her boyfriend. The list included physical features, age, family relationships, personaliy treats, social status, income range, and a lot more I can't remember. I have never seen anyone my entire life do that but that made me wonder how many more out there are doing the exact same.

→ More replies (2)

41

u/JadeM785 8d ago

Honestly it seems like women aren’t selective enough, with the shit I hear about women putting up with.

29

u/NessOnett8 8d ago

I've noticed women tend to be selective up front. But then are not nearly selective enough on the back end. Because you're right, many put up with waaaaaay more than they should.

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (4)

28

u/Putrid-Ad-23 8d ago

Incels will say women are overly selective and that they'll sleep with anyone except them in the same breath

9

u/luciascryster 8d ago

lol this right here.

6

u/Kafir666- 8d ago

Almost like there's people with different opinions. And every man who complains about dating is automatically an evil incel, whereas every woman who complains about dating is automatically always correct, and a poor victim.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (10)

12

u/SirPanics 8d ago

Guys will call women overly selective then exclusively swipe on the skinny Instagram chicks while completely ignoring all the normal chicks. Tinder is easy pickings to men with normal standards and a decent personality.

→ More replies (5)

9

u/joshuajjb2 8d ago

Still women get to comb through forests of guys vs guys who get only a few tree

→ More replies (1)

28

u/Papplebeast 8d ago

Even if women are "overly selective", so what? People are allowed to set their own standards. I wouldn't want anyone to settle for me. And my wife didn't settle.

Too many men have very little to offer in a relationship. I'm teaching my sons to be well-rounded people, not lazy bums who have no skill or competency outside of video games.

7

u/Deviouss 8d ago

I think people just want honesty on the issue, and that infuriates many.

→ More replies (1)

3

u/dontbeabitchredditor 8d ago

Yet I don't know how many women I see in a relationship they hate and they continue to stay with their partner.

14

u/RollTide16-18 8d ago

I know like 5 very well adjusted, successful and attractive women that aren’t dating because they can’t find someone. OP is telling the truth tbh.

→ More replies (4)

40

u/Dyeeguy 9d ago

That is mostly about dating apps i think, which is obviously not reflective of reality. Also these days a lot of women are just more satisfied in their career so they are generally more selective but that makes sense

32

u/Eastern-Design 8d ago

I dislike when people say that online dating isn’t “reality”. It’s already well established now that online dating is the most common form of dating. Hundreds of millions of people use it! I do argue that, especially for a man, it’s extremely important to date in person if possible, because you can show off your personality. More often than not, a typical woman is going to be more put together and well dressed, whereas a man won’t be.

Overall in my opinion the average woman is more attractive than the average man because of this. Therefore it is critical that a man develops a compelling personality with long term, attractive goals.

12

u/toxicshocktaco 8d ago

I dislike when people say that online dating isn’t “reality”

This exactly. The same people that say that are the same ones that are chronically online and on TikTik all the time.

→ More replies (2)

18

u/Recent_Impress_122 8d ago

Dating apps are essential the only way to meet people now. So yes, it actual is reality

→ More replies (4)
→ More replies (37)

5

u/GOOD_BRAIN_GO_BRRRRR 8d ago

If anything, I think a ton of women agonise over this and ignore red-flags as a consequence.

To ANYONE dating: You don't owe anyone exceptional kindness or your time. If they don't feel right for you on a gut level, don't. A red flag is a red flag, even if you really, really like them, and they're super hot. If they ask you for money, RUN.

9

u/MochiSauce101 8d ago

50 years ago, and since the beginning of time , woman and men had to pick potential partners based off their location and who was available.

Let’s say you were from a small town in 1990 , and you’re 25.

Who you could date was very limited. Those who weren’t already partnered , had a job , was emotionally stable and had as little baggage as possible.

And should all those criteria not be met , you had to settle for someone with what we call in todays society “Red Flag Deal Breakers”.

In the modern day, the accessibility of picking a partner for relationship or sexual needs at the touch of a finger swipe HAS INFACT made people overly selective.

It’s created a norm that a single flaw is sufficient reason to end a relationship because you can shop for a new mate in less that 4 seconds at the touch of a button.

No one sees the need to compromise and work out issues anymore. It’s my way or the highway, and through no fault of their own.

We just have rationalized it by saying “The dating world is fucked up” when every person facing this issue is actually not to blame, but the accessibility and tech is.

Ever hear someone say “But everyone agrees so it must be true”. The word “Everyone” actually only entails the 20-30 people someone may socialize with. And for some reason we say Everyone - because it’s our little world , and our little world is the WHOLE world to us.

Well, when 9/10 people behave in the manner I mentioned above , we tend to think the WHOLE dating world is fucked up. So theoretically, in someone’s small world - it really truly is.

8

u/Apprehensive-Lie-627 8d ago

So all those girls you were on dates with that were so desperate to not be alone, you weren’t good enough for them or what?

And I get so tired of hearing how lonely a woman is for not having a date in 2 months

Try imagining not being shown any affection in a decade including being touched , then gtfo of here with how lonely you are

→ More replies (1)

33

u/Skynight2513 8d ago edited 8d ago

There's a woman in New York that runs a dating service. She has come out and said that she's no longer accepting female clients, because of how selective and demanding the women she's worked with had been.

Now, I'm not going to say this is representative of all women, but the dating scene has changed from what it used to be in our parents and even grandparents' time. As equality and opportunities for women continue to improve, you will find that women can be more selective in mating, because the reliance of a husband to provide is no longer as great a concern.

Men will just have to find a way to adapt to this changing environment.

14

u/Tough_Preference1741 8d ago

I’m not too familiar with dating service. How is she going to make matches with an all male clientele?

→ More replies (4)
→ More replies (5)

27

u/4ps22 8d ago

men dont understand what its like to constantly be harassed and lusted over by the opposite sex so they view it from their perspective where romance and dating opportunities are far and few between. they cant fathom having as high/strict of standards because for a lot of guys they have a take what they can get attitude. in reality yes any sane person that has to deal with as much shit as women do with men, would be selective

on the other hand ive noticed that a lot of women really dont seem to understand how different it is for guys. they think you’re an incel or something if you comment on it but the levels of attention is really that much lower and i say that as a pretty attractive guy who has had it pretty easy in terms of attracting women compared to the average man

→ More replies (19)