Four days late, but here's the new monthly forum to talk about whatever is on your mind, as it relates to the sub.
As always, do not directly link to posts/comments or post uncensored screenshots here. Any comments with links will be removed.
My sister “Lucy” (38) has always wanted a big family. She and her husband “Tom” (40), had their son “Logan” (now 9), but due to complications Lucy couldn’t have more kids. Lucy was devastated. About three years ago, she and Tom decided to adopt. Tom never outright said he didn't want to go through with it, but it was clear to see he didn’t care one way or the other and just wanted Lucy happy. Logan said he didn’t want a sibling. Lucy brushed over all these concerns with the “they’ll get on board eventually” attitude.
Long story short, they were eventually matched with boy, “Jack”, who is now 11. Lucy said they all bonded, but Jack had behavioural issues and whenever I saw them, I picked up on the fact that over time Tom seemed to be getting less and less keen, and many times when it was just adults he commented on his worry that Jack had latent issues because of his traumatic past. Lucy adored Jack and rubbished these concerns. I brought up Tom’s hesitation but Lucy said it was just taking longer for him to bond.
They officially adopted Jack about a year ago, and since then things have fallen apart. Jack’s behaviour has either got a lot worse or Lucy wasn’t speaking about it as much before, but it’s clear Tom is at his wit’s end. According to Lucy he works late constantly and whenever Jack has a tantrum he helps Lucy calm him down, and then takes Logan and leaves the house. Logan now hates Jack and won’t play with him which causes more issues, and he’s started to act out. He spent his last school holiday with my family and is set to spend Christmas with us again because even the family therapist says it’s good for him to have some space.
Having seen this all unfold has been heartbreaking. Tom and Logan look more miserable every time I see them and though Lucy would never admit it, she does too. Whenever I speak to her she talks about how hard it is but always has Tom and Logan at fault. She has never taken any accountability for the fact that she didn’t listen to anyone’s concerns.
She called me a couple of days ago to discuss plans for Christmas and when Tom would be dropping Logan off at my home. She again started ranting about Tom has basically shut down at home with her and Jack and how she thinks he’s going to leave. She was calling him every name in the book and then started saying she was disappointed that Logan doesn’t love Jack and she can’t believe she raised a bully. I lost it. I told her the really bully was her, she bullied her family into adoption as a form of wish fulfilment and Tom shouldn’t have indulged her but most of the blame falls on her for destroying her family. She screamed and cried and eventually called me evil and hung up.
My parents are now saying I was an AH for telling her that even though we all think it, but I think she needed to hear it, and stop blaming her own child for being unhappy living in the chaos she created.
Edit - for everyone saying I said or implied that Tom is blameless, I didn’t. I said to Lucy that Tom shares the blame, but I do think most of it lies with her. Who I don’t think has any blame, no matter how she’s tried to place it on him, is Logan.
Both of my daughters are in highschool, my oldest ( Cindy) is 16 and my youngest (Emily)is 14. Now Cindy is quite popular, she is on the volleyball team and has a huge friend group. My youngest isn’t very popular and her friend (Beth) is her main friend or ex friend. It also doesn’t help that she is into hobbies most other high schoolers don’t care about.
Emily and Beth got into a fight and Beth is not speaking to her anymore. She is sitting alone at lunch now. This came out yesterday and my husband wants Cindy to invite her to sit with her group of friends at the “popular table”. Cindy refused saying she doesn’t want to do that.
My husband was mad but when he tried to get me to back him up I told him Cindy has ever right to not want her little sister in her friend group. That you can’t do that do her and Emily needs to make her own friends.
My husband is pissed at me and Cindy. Emily is super upset that she doesn’t have people to eat with and I am wondering if I made the right call or if I am being a jerk.
Edit: common questions be I know I have a lot of comments. Hobbies- knitting, tree shaping. She quit art club, I have tried multiple time to get her into clubs ( she quits usually)
Oldest just doesn’t want her to invite her to her table, the my have a good relationship in general.
AITA for getting weirded out and leaving the room when my in-laws had a sing-along after Thanksgiving dinner?
For the first time since we got together, my husband and I decided to spend Thanksgiving with his fam. We’ve typically just done it on our own or with friends bc who wants the hassle of travel and all that crap. I like my in-laws!! I’m just not used to them and they’re A LOT. Very touchy feely Hallmark family. Like saying “I love you” and hugging and all that.
Anyway we ate dinner and my husband’s cousin who is 12 I guess was learning the guitar. She learned a song and everyone asked her to play it for them. That was the first thing that I saw as weird. But she started to play… and then everyone started singing along.
IT FELT SO WEIRD I FELT LIKE I WAS IN A CULT. I looked at my husband like “omg what do I do” and I just had to get up and leave. It was soooo uncomfortable. Like just sitting there singing while this little girl is playing her guitar. I went into the bedroom we were staying in for a few minutes and kinda shook it off.
I texted my dad about it and he just said “get out while you still can.” So he thought it was weird too.
Later my MIL asked me if everything was okay. I can usually be honest with her, so I said that I was creeped out by the whole Hallmark family special singalong. She asked me what was weird about that and I said “I don’t know, it felt like you were all in some weird cult just sitting there watching her and then singing.”
She looked at me like IIIII was the weird one and said something like “Did your family not do things like that?”
I said no, when I played the flute as a kid I did it in the basement with the door closed so no one would have to hear. If I had a concert I’d tell my parents so I could get a ride, but I wouldn’t ask them to come because it felt kind of… selfish? Narcissistic? To be like “you should spend your whole evening listening to MEEEEE.”
She got this pity look on her face and tried to squeeze my hand. I took it away and said “there like that, it’s weird that you’re trying to touch me and you guys are always hugging and hanging off each other. It’s just different.”
She apologized but then told me that it was hurtful that I see normal acts of love towards family as weird. I said sorry and just went to find my husband. He was sitting out with his brother smoking a bowl and I said something like “dude wasn’t that whole sing-along fucking weird” and my husband laughed but his brother got pissy and said that I should try being a little less judgmental.
So I guess AITA? Am I the weirdo here?
I (32f) My husband (34m) have three kids, 2 teenager girls and a 10 year old boy. Last week, I spotted him on the playground putting his arm around a girl from his class and when I asked him about it he said she was his girlfriend. My husband laughed and told him “don’t break too many hearts.” I asked my son if he had asked the girl if it was okay before he put his arm around her and he said no. I gently explained to him that he shouldn’t ever touch girls like that without getting their consent first. He didn’t know what consent meant so I had a mini discussion with him about how it’s not nice to touch people without their permission and asking first means that you know the other person doesn’t mind. My husband was silent during the entire conversation. My son didn’t seem to be bothered by our small talk (which only lasted a couple of minutes), replied with “okay” and then went to go play his switch. After he left the room my husband went off on me, saying that I’m making my son sound like a predator in the making, that it’s just innocent playground fun, and that I’m blowing it way out of proportion. I obviously don’t think my 5th grader is a predator, but I felt like it was important to teach him about the idea of consent from a young age. However, I do have a complicated history when it comes to this subject so maybe that’s clouding my judgment.
Original post here : https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17zdr82/aita_for_telling_my_friends_bf_that_he_shouldnt/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
I wanted to clarify, the reason I said I don't really have I problem with her not contributing, is cos I personally never paid for the her in terms of dinner, tickets etc.
I've paid for a exactly a drink, some popcorn and parking before. But she obviously still benefits from me and the others when we bring food and drinks and she brings nothing. I've always thought it was unfair but nobody wanted to say anything so I left it alone.
I should also mention that she's a friend by association, I've only known her since the beginning of this year.
I confronted her like many of you suggested and started off by saying I thought it was unfair her bf was taking ALL the food and that's why I spoke up.
She said she's sorry, and the bf only did that cos he didn't think anyone would mind. I should say that even though she eats at these things, she's never taken copious amounts of food before.
I said that I don't speak on behalf of EVERYONE but I feel it's unfair that she keeps bringing her bf and also that she never contributes to anything.
Since she had just been apologetic, I thought she would respond by saying that she would start to contribute but instead, she asked why I cared so much because I don't even eat ribs and that I embarrassed her and her bf for nothing.
I don't eat meat but that was beside the point. My friend put a lot of hours into cooking those ribs just for this guy to take em all? No, it's not right.
And I didn't make a scene, HE did. I spoke very politely. So I explained that again and said that she's been an inconsiderate friend.
She said, "I don't know why you're attacking me when nobody else has a problem", then said that she didn't want to associate with me anymore. I said that was fine and that was the end of it.
I told the others the outcome and the friend that introduced mooch to us was really mad that I caused a "rift" between everyone over food.
So the group essentially split up and those who were irritated with me will continue to hang out with her.
The others who secretly found her annoying but were too polite also spoke up and decided to branch off too.
Our mooch free group hung out a coupla times already and all the complaints are finally being released 😂 Also EVERYBODY brings something now which is nice. Not just that but it's a more relaxing and stress free environment without them.
The "introducer" friend is trying to poach some of the new group to no avail which I think is funny but anyway, that's it 😂. Sorry if this was anti-climactic. And I know this is like juvenile, high school stuff but hey, that's what happened.
My son and his girlfriend have been together for 6 years, she might as well be my DIL at this point since they have a kid together. Now they when they visit I like to make a nice meal but every single time she doesn’t eat just picks at it and covers it it’s a napkin by the end of the night
I am also from a different culture from them so I thought she just doesn’t like the spices I used. I have made really simple things and she doesn’t ever eat it. I asked my son about it and he told me she is just a picky eater.
They are suppose to come over tomorrow, I told my son I am not cooking tomorrow since I am tired of her not eating a thing and I feel like I am wasting my time. That I will order pizza.
He’s really upset that I am not cooking since he doesn’t get homemade meals often. AITA the jerk for not wanting to cook since one of my guest never appreciates it
Edit: it was asked a few time. I basically get brushed off when I try to talk to either of them about it
My brother Frank (40m) was widowered 6 years ago. Two years ago he got remarried to Emily (38f). Frank has three children with his first wife. Ava (14f), Noa (13f) and Harley (10m). Emily also has a son (9m) and a stepdaughter from her ex-husband who she has custody of (12f). Frank and Emily started dating just before the pandemic hit. The kids were not aware of the fact Frank was dating. He told them two months before the wedding. It was a month later he announced he was getting married and Emily and her kids were moving in.
Frank's kids have adapted worse than Emily's kids. The kids have refused to take part in family activities, are distant and cold with Emily and her kids and have yelled at my brother multiple times, accusing him of replacing their mom and saying fuck Emily, they don't care about Emily, they don't want Emily, etc.
Frank, Emily, Ava, Noa and Harley have started attending family counseling (7ish months or so now). They have seen three therapists thus far because the kids would "sit and sulk" per Frank's own words and would not open up or engage and each time the therapist ends up just talking to Frank and Emily.
Frank started to complain about how mad the kids are at him. He said they were selfish for expecting him to stay single for the rest of his life. He said he's tired of them making no effort to make the blended family work. He said he hates how they work against it and he hates how people treat him like he made a mistake when he remarried. He wanted to know if he wasn't entitled to his happiness, etc.
I listened to him vent countless times. Last time he told me he felt I had something to say and I should just say it. I told him his mistake was never in remarrying, but in how he did it. He only told the kids he was dating two months prior to his wedding, told them a month later he was getting married and three people were moving in and then married in that two month timeline when everything was still very new and strange to them. I told him most kids will struggle with the idea of their parent moving on after divorce or the death of their parent. That's why people usually spend years dating and getting the kids adjusted so they have time to process and work through their feelings, to work through the fresh wave of grief that hearing news like that would bring. I said dating and letting everyone get to know each other over a period of time and helping the kids through is the best way to make a blended family.
He got mad at me and told me he shouldn't have to adjust his timeline for anyone, not even his kids. I asked him how he'd feel to hear dad is dating someone (30 years after our mom died). He told me there is no way dad would do that and fuck me for even suggesting it. I told him so he'd have a problem with it but can't understand his kids having a problem with him doing it. He told me it's not the same and he's not judging dad but I'm judging him and that makes me an asshole.
Ok so me and my wife are currently on vacation to her home country here in south east asia and she really wanted to take me to a street food stall which I would normally never eat at but she convinced me to go with her. When we got there it was really unhygienic like the guy wasnt even wearing gloves or anything so I refused to eat it cause well who knows were his hands have been.
This cause my wife to be mad at me for being to "posh" and refusing to eat something cause the guy wasnt wearing any gloves which she claims is perfectly normal. She brought up a couple other times I refused to do things with her cause they weren't upto my normal standards. However I think I was correct in this specific scenario cause well Im not eating food that some stranger without gloves or running water cooked.
So, I (25f) have been married to my husband for 3 years, I have known him since high school. I recently just had a baby. And We decided not to tell anyone the name till the baby was born.
My stepsister was also pregnant. We both had very similar names in mind. I liked Mary-Kay. My stepsister liked the names Mary-Grace. My stepsister did choose the name first, but our names weren’t identical. And she still insisted I didn’t use Mary-Kay still.
We did anyways and when I announced My stepsister called us and had a cow. She said we disrespected her knowing she picked the name first and now she has to choose a new baby such short notice. We reminded her that the names aren’t identical and there is no reason to change, but she just got upset and hung up.
stepmom soon called us later backing up my sister saying how childish we acted keeping it a secret so we could get our way, and she wanted to use that name after her grandmother death. They are all very upset with us.
I (27M) have a brother Rob (30M). We aren't close. We fought a lot as kids, he wound me up and took the piss. He hated me being around his friends, ignored me at school and ignored me in the pub when we were teenagers. Nowadays we're civil and can have a laugh but if we're together more than a day the insults and piss-take will start.
I got married last year. My best friend was Best Man and I had six other friends, Rob and my BIL as Ushers all in matching wedding suits. When I first told my parents about the wedding my dad said "So Rob will be the Best Man?" Typical dad, thinks his sons are best mates. I said no but it made me think I should give Rob a proper role. When I told Rob my news I asked him to be an Usher and also to make a speech. I invited him on my Stag Do and he attended. At the wedding, Rob and his fiancee were seated near the Top Table with people they knew and got on with. He loved giving a speech and took delight in telling embarrassing stories. I expected this and took it in good humour.
Rob's getting married soon. Best friend is Best Man. Six friends and his future BIL have been asked to be Ushers. They are going for suit fittings soon.I have not been asked to be an Usher nor to wear the proper suit. I have not been invited to his Stag Do, but his future BIL and FIL were. On the seating plan my wife and are on the table furthest from the Top Table with much older guests who we don't know.
Hurt? Yes. Surprised? No, this is typical of how he's treated me all my life.
I made one remark to my parents that it was clear I wouldn't be involved much in the wedding but didn't make an issue of it. 2 days later I got a message from Rob. "Mum tells me you're whingeing about the wedding. Don't worry, we'll find you a job." (I know my mum would not have said I was whingeing).
Next time I saw them his fiancee said they want me to film their wedding for them. They'd buy a decent camera and some editing software so I could make them a beautiful memento of their day. All this was said with a beaming smile like I was being given the best job in the world.
I was clearly being asked as an afterthought and to give me a "role". It would be like I was staff, working all day. Videography isn't my thing. I don't accept the argument that all you have to do is point a camera the right way. It's a task that requires skills I don't have. I would struggle with editing it afterwards and that would be hours of work. It would look amateurish and I know that Rob would use that to take the piss out of me for the rest of our lives like he already does with other stuff.
I said I could accept not being asked to be an Usher, not being included in the suits and not being asked on the Stag Do. I could even accept being sat as far away from the rest of the family as possible with people I don't know. But I can't accept being demoted to unpaid staff doing a job that has only been offered to me as an afterthought. I then left.
Rob has messaged me calling me an AH. AITA?
I (46M) have been married to the love of my life, Anastasia (45F), for the past year, we have a complicated past. I have two kids from a previous marriage, and she also has two kids from a previous marriage.
Her ex-husband, Michael, the father of her two kids, left when the eldest was 4, and hasn’t been present for the last 14 years of their lives.
Recently my wife got very sick, and got in contact with her ex without me knowing. She didn’t tell me, or the rest of our family, about her illness because she didn’t want us to treat her like she was fragile. Michael is a doctor and managed to treat her a few months ago.
Now her illness is getting worse and he’s back in the picture, and now wants to have a relationship with his daughter and son again. I was very hesitant since he seems to still show interest in Anastasia, but she keeps telling me he just wants to be with his kids which I can’t argue against, it would be messed up to.
Until yesterday when he told us he wanted to move in with us. The house we live in is pretty big, Ana and I live there with our youngest and our eldest kids are at college dorms. There’s extra space for Michael and Anastasia believes it’ll be great since he can keep a close eye on her since she’s his patient and so he can be closer with their kids.
It’s not my place to say it, but he hasn’t been there for 14 years and for the past year, I’ve been the most stable father figure for Anastasia’s two kids since Ana has had rocky previous relationships and her kids never had a father figure present. Everyone deserves second chances, but It’s incredibly awkward as Ana is blind to Michael clearly wanting to still be with her, but I can’t bring it up since she gets weird about it.
I told Ana I wasn’t comfortable with him moving back in, and she told me it wasn’t my decision to make, despite me and my kids also living there and her and I supposed to be making decisions together as a couple.
Edit; I forgot to add that the house we are currently living in, was originally Anastasia’s house. Me and my kids moved in with them when we got married. Which is why I feel it isn’t my place to make the decision.
(Repost because bot deleted it)
I (24F) work 50 - 60 hours a week. My boyfriend and I have our own place. My sister (24F) works a lot too and also has her own place with her husband.
My mom has an annoying habit of asking my sister and I for favors with very little notice. Both of us have dropped everything and cancelled our plans because my mom needed us to watch our step sister. We have asked her so many times to give us enough of a heads up to avoid making conflicting plans. She won't listen.
My step sister lives with my parents. She's disabled (physically as well as mentally), and can't be left home by herself.
Next week, my boyfriend and I are going on vacation. I only have one weekday off before then, and it's filled with appointments that I need to go to before vacation.
Last week, during Thanksgiving, my mom asked my sister and I if one of us could watch my step sister this Thursday (my day off), from noon to midnight because she and my step-dad are going to a concert. I told her I have appointments that day, and still have to get up at 5 am the next day for work. My sister said she could, but would need to change around some plans, and advocated for me saying that I work early the next day.
Last night, my mom called me and said I'm her last hope. My sister has the flu and can't babysit. I told her that I'm really sorry, but I have appointments that I need to go to before going out of town next week, and that it's my only day to do it, also that I still work early the next day. I told her that I would have made my plans around that day if I'd known ahead of time, maybe like when she bought the tickets months ago. She got mad that I wouldn't just cancel my plans for her. I apologized a lot and all she said were things like, "yeah, thanks a lot."
Since then, I've been feeling so guilty. I'm trying to figure out how to rearrange my day so that I can help her out, but nothing is going to work. I feel selfish for not dropping everything to help. I feel like an asshole. So I'm here to ask, am I the asshole?
AITA for asking for a family dance instead of a father/daughter dance at my wedding when I know my stepdad wanted one?
I (27F) have known my stepdad since I was 10 and he became my stepdad officially (as in he married my mom) when I was 11. My dad died from cancer when I was 8. I was a real daddy's girl so it broke my heart and is probably why, no matter how loving and kind my stepdad is, he will never be able to earn the title of dad or take an equal place in my heart or life. And my stepdad is a lovely person. He wanted to be a second dad to me. We discussed this in therapy when I was a kid. He said he would love to have a dad title and nickname and he would love for me to embrace him as the dad my dad sent to me when he couldn't be there. It was during that whole discussion that I revealed dad wouldn't have sent me another dad, because he even said he would be my only dad, in one of our last full conversations, when I was really sad about losing him and I felt nobody understood. My mom and stepdad wanted to know if that was the reason I didn't want to call my stepdad a dad name and let him in as much as I did my dad. I told them even without that I wouldn't have wanted a new dad.
We came out of therapy where not everyone was entirely happy. My stepdad was unhappy that he would never hear me call him anything other than my stepdad or his name and that I would not want to work on building a father/daughter relationship with him that would be like what a normal father/daughter relationship would be. I was unhappy that in compromise, I would not correct and they would never correct people who mistook him for my dad and would say it to us. But I had to give something and that was my part of the compromise.
Even though my stepdad has four bio kids with my mom now, he still feels a loss that we don't have what he wanted us to have. I love my stepdad. But it's very different from the love I have for my parents. It's closer to the love I have for my uncles honestly. And when my fiancé and I started wedding planning I knew the whole walk me down the aisle/father daughter dance would be an issue. So my fiancé and I planned something more unique. An immediate family dance. For me it would mean one big dance with my mom, stepdad and my siblings. With my fiancé it would be his parents, grandparents (who lived in the same house as him growing up so were immediate family) and siblings.
I asked my mom and stepdad if they would like to take part in the dance. My stepdad asked what about the father/daughter dance. I said this would be in place of that, so the whole family could take part. He told me he wanted the father/daughter dance. That he wanted a special moment for just the two of us. I told him I would rather the dance with us all and no father/daughter dance. We had already discussed that I would be walking down the aisle with my fiancé so he was incredibly frustrated and upset that I didn't want a father/daughter dance. He and my mom told me I was wrong. They told me I should do the father/daughter dance and stop trying to come up with anything but.
WIBTA for kicking out my mother for allowing my ex-wife and boyfriend over when I was away on vacation?
Last week I (M36) was away on vacation with my girlfriend (F37) and two sons (M8, M4) to visit her family for Thanksgiving break. Both kids live with me 90% of the time since I divorced last year. My mom (F67) also lives with me. She didn't want to travel and wanted to stay home and have my sisters "Jane" (F37) an "Jill" (F32) come to visit her.
The day after I left Jill disabled my upstairs security camera which sits on the bookshelf which she said she was feeling "watched". I have had the security camera in the same spots for 5 years because it can see the front door and kitchen. Jill has never had a problem with the camera before.
Here is the sequence of events:
- Thanksgiving day we video called my son's mom (F37) to say happy thanksgiving and let her see the kids while they were away. She was riding in the car with her boyfriend (M42) and didn't mention where they were heading.
- The next day my sister disabled the other security camera in the basement which looks at the backdoor. At that point I checked the footage to see what was going on at the house. The audio captured included my ex-wife's voice and her boyfriend.
- I confronted my sisters and mom about it and all said that since I was away it was fine. My ex was over because they like her and I wasn't there anyway.
- I told them if they invited them back I would call the police and cause a scene, that they were not welcome in my house. My sister Jill told me they were coming back over and they already had plans. So I called my ex-wife directly and told her to not come over. Jill was very upset I ruined her plans.
After things have settled, Jill was leaving to head home and started an argument that I ruined her vacation plans and left angrily.
My mom is taking Jill's side of the argument saying they did nothing wrong and it didn't harm me in any way. Her stance is since she lives in the house she can invite over whoever she wants. This is all boiling to my question in the title, I am still livid from the entire event, WIBTA for kicking my mom out of my house if she won't agree to not invite my ex-wife and her boyfriend over without my consent?
My fiancé "Jen" (29f) just gave birth to our daughter 2 months ago. She strictly breastfeeds, so as you can imagine, she gets far less sleep than I do. During the day I help with changing or holding her but all feedings are up to Jen (the baby outright refuses a bottle- we have tried several times, but ultimately we are both okay with this).
Anyways, I'm kind of a independent start up video game developer. I did make one video game 2 years ago but it honestly wasn't that great. So while I do get revenue from it, it's definitely not much or even a liveable wage. This time around however I'm working with 4 other people and the game is turning out great. I also work a 9-5. But after getting home, having dinner with my fiancé and looking after the baby for awhile, I jump on and work on the game.
For the past 2-3 nights I have been up til 1-2am working on the game and I have been ultra tired. I snore like a maniac when I'm tired. It's super embarrassing because I truly sound like a mack truck. But yesterday the baby had her 2 months shots and she was so fussy. Cried way more than normal. It was super hard for my fiancé to get her to sleep. I finally went to bed around 2am and my fiancé immediately asked me to sleep on the couch so I wouldn't wake the baby with my snoring. I said no. I was so tired and the couch is not comfortable at all. I had to work early. I wanted to sleep. She didn't fight it but she called me a "fucking prick" and walked out of the room with the baby. I woke up this morning to the baby in the crib in the nursery and my fiancé asleep on the floor with no pillows/blankets. She still won't talk to me.
My original post was deleted because it was too short but there’s not much to elaborate on…
I am getting married and I don’t want to walk down the aisle with my father because I think it’s an outdated practice and gives me the heebz.
I love my dad but… the practice of “giving me away” to my husband is disgusting and outdated to me. For what it’s worth, I’ll be 39 years old at the time of my wedding… I have had numerous long-term relationships. The symbolism is lost on me.
Anyway, my parents are not happy with that decision because they are older and more traditional and my mom basically thinks I should throw my dad a bone on this one, but I really don’t want to.
I mean we are getting married at a pizza place and my wedding dress is black so it’s not like I’m specifically eschewing this one tradition.
I (24F) am getting married in a few months, and I've been having some family drama regarding my choice of bridesmaids. My cousin (26F), let's call her Sarah, has been pestering me to be a bridesmaid ever since I got engaged. However, I've decided not to include her in my bridal party, and now it's causing quite an uproar in the family.
Here's some background: When I was 19, I became a single mom unexpectedly. It was a challenging time, and I had to navigate parenthood while juggling college and work. Sarah wasn't supportive at all and made hurtful comments about my situation, shaming me for being a young single mom. Her words were harsh and deeply affected me during a vulnerable period of my life. And it really hurt me as I considered her as an older sister. I had 3 amazing friends around me all the time helping with expenses, babysitting, taking me out etc. and one of those friends is now my fiance.
Fast forward to now. I'm happily engaged to an amazing partner, planning my wedding, and trying to mend relationships within my family. Sarah recently approached me, assuming she'd be a bridesmaid, and I had to break the news that I had already chosen my bridal party. She was furious and demanded an explanation.
I couldn't bring myself to tell her the real reason: her hurtful comments from the past. Instead, I just mentioned that I had already made commitments to other friends and family members. Sarah hasn't taken this well and has been telling everyone in the family that I'm excluding her for no reason, painting me as the bad guy.
My family is now insisting that I quiet the drama by just including her but I don't want to, she knows I am planning a week-long trip with my bridesmaids who are just my two friends ( fiance doing the same with his boys) and I feel it's the only reason she actually approached me again when I told my aunt this she called me an asshole saying that Sarah was family and deserved more than my friends
So am I the asshole for not wanting Sarah as a bridesmaid due to her past behavior, even though it's causing family tension? Or should I just give in to keep the peace?
Edit with a bit of an update : ( it's 8/51pm in my country) Thx so much for all your comments, my fiance actually read this post since we share the account and shared it with our group and close family group. he told me word for word: "Sit back and I'll handle it" cause tonight we are having the whole family over for a big dinner
more info: the special party would take place the night of the wedding, me and fiance, as well as the whole group, are very very very nerdy, geeky, call it what you want but we are the cliche of the Big Bang theory boys, so I always planned that after everything official and normal we would stay in the venue, lose the dresses and tuxes, get in pajamas and play DND, video games, anime songs karaoke
My (34M) sister (28F) is one of the owners of a local ballet school where she’s also a teacher. My daughter (5F) was interested in trying ballet, mostly from seeing her aunt dance and talking about how she MUST take ballet. However, I chose to take my daughter to get a trial class in another school.
A brief context: my mother is a piano teacher and she decided to teach my sister and I when we were kids, and it was a terrible experience (to me at least) because it was clear that she couldn’t separate her role as a mother and as a teacher, and she’d be hard on me in a way that she wasn’t to her other students. That’s not to say I think my sister wouldn’t be able to keep things professional, it’s just that I thought it was important to create a distance in this context.
I didn’t think to let my sister “know” beforehand about this, after all it was just a trial class, and my daughter could not even be interested in continuing afterwards. Yet my sister found out that I took my daughter to her competitor (it’s not that big of a town and there are basically two schools around, so news fly fast). My sister called me to clear things up, and I could tell she was very hurt. I tried to explain my reasoning, and she said the right thing would be to call her so she wouldn’t need to find out from somebody else.
She also says it creates an image that her own family doesn’t trust in her abilities as a teacher, which I think was nonsense. AITA here?
UPDATE: Thank you everyone for your comments. I get to talk to her today, she finally told me that the reason why she didn't want us to travel is because this was supposed to be our first trip together (the three of us) but since she is now married and pregnant and she can't come, she just lost it. We have traveled when we were married and always talked about traveling with our son, something that is no longer possible.
So, everything is cleared in the end. :)
My 7yo has just had a broken finger at the bowling a week ago when playing with me. His mother and I have been divorced for 5 years now and we have shared custody of him.
Doctor said that is a minor injury that will heal in a week or so with just a splint, but she stormed out saying that it would need up to 3 weeks of healing (she is not a doctor). Now she is clamming that my kid can't come to the trip that I planned two months ahead, because of this accident. She even asked the doctor to give her a letter saying that he can't go, and the doctor denied it saying she wouldn't lie on the diagnosis.
Since I have the immigration rights of him, I can travel in-and-out the country with him and this will be his first trip; he is more than excited to go since he has never been in an airplane before. She and her family are saying that I'm being too reckless and an asshole for bringing him against her mother wishes or to wait until he is fully recovered, which is no possible since holidays are near.
So, AITA for this?
EDIT: I might add that this is not his first injury, he has had some before when being with his mom, hence the reason why we have shared custody, and I got the travel rights. I have never resent her for those accidents since I think some of them is a boy being a boy, but now she is storming out out of the blue.
EDIT 2: Thanks u/Clean_Equipment_5450 for pointing out. Hairline Fracture is a more accurate term in english instead of "broken". Also a "strain" would work, having hard time translating the medical term from my mother language haha
My gf and I have been together for 3 years and we moved in in April. She is a great cook and learned from her Italian grandma but she can make almost everything under the sun. She travelled a lot when she was younger and loves Asian food the most. I thought I was a good cook but she says my cooking is terrible. She took over the cooking now that we live together and tried to teach me but then got impatient because she thought I wasn’t trying. I am but she gets mad when I don’t get it the first time. I don’t think she’s that great of a teacher.
She got mad because I didn’t check if my chicken was done by cutting into it and making sure it isn’t pink. I usually just poke it like she does but she insists I should cut into it because I’m not very experienced. Recently she’s wanted me to cook once a week and I’ve been trying even though it’s clearly not coming out very well. She is a way better cook why doesn’t she just cook? She clearly enjoys it but she insists I have to learn. I can feed myself but I don’t feel the need to get as good as her. Clearly her food is better but I can survive on my cooking so it’s good enough for me.
Anyway I cooked chicken and broccoli and she ate a few pieces and then got up and cut up the chicken and it was pink. She got really angry and yelled at me for trying to give her food poisoning. It’s clearly just a mistake and I apologized but she had diarrhea for a few days and had to miss work. Now she won’t cook for me and just cooks for herself. I usually eat out now that she doesn’t pack me Tupperware and it’s really sad because it’s one of the things I really enjoyed. Sitting down for lunch and seeing what she made for me. I told her she is punishing me for no reason and she’s gotten mad and told me I intentionally didn’t cook the chicken right and Im always expecting her to cook like Im a kid. Im pretty pissed by her comments and we’ve argued over it but I guess it’s her right not to cook for me.
AITA for wanting to treat a real estate transaction with a family member like a business transaction?
My husband and I own a vacant lot worth $150,000 adjacent to our home that my stepson wants to build his new house on. He doesn't have the cash to buy it and is unable to get a loan that will fund both the lot purchase and construction. He wants us to just deed the lot to him and refinance at completion and pay the lot off. No promissory note, nothing.
Despite having some equity in both his home and a commercial building he does not want to give us a lien on one of those in exchange for deeding the lot to him.
My husband of course is in favor of deeding the lot to him. This has created an untenable situation between us. I wanted to treat this as a business transaction and he says you don't do that with family.
The stepson has a hard money lender who will advance the construction funds if we deed the lot to the stepson. In anticipation of that the stepson has already started construction. The grading is complete, foundation is in and utilities run.
I would never have permitted that to happen but I was overruled. He now has put us in the position of a huge debt that he cannot pay unless we deed the lot to him and construction loan proceeds become available and we hope for the best.
I have spent my entire career in real estate including 15 years in banking and I have seen many deals like this go south. I understand the risk of things like construction problems or delays, changes in market conditions which affect value...the stepson is also living with his girlfriend and their child and that relationship could go south and she be entitled to half of everything...or even the death of the stepson which forces the estate into probate.
The value of this lot represents a huge portion of our retirement plan. We are in our mid to late 70s. So AITA for wanting to treat this as a business transaction?
My husband(26M) and I(24F) have been married for 2 years now. My husband was born in America but his parents are from Ukraine. I was born in Moldova and moved to the US when I was a toddler. Moldova is a country right under Ukraine. We grew up in a slavic culture here in the US so both our families speak Russian and a little bit of Ukrainian. Because of USSR, many countries transitioned to the Russian language back then. Growing up, we always told everyone we were Russian because it was easier to say that then to actually explain where we were from. We are both bilingual and speak Russian and English very well. When the war in Ukraine started, my husband made it his mission to learn Ukrainian and had been very good with it. I was supportive and now I also understand Ukrainian and can hold a short conversation. Due to everything going on, many Ukrainians are dropping Russian as a language and going back to their native language. They are starting to hate everything Russian related and with the war going on, I kinda understand that. My husband and I had a conversation about our future kids and what languages we want them to know. We obviously agreed they need to know English, but that’s where we kinda hit a nerve. Growing up speaking Russian, going to a Russian church, I expected my husband to want the kids to know Russian as well. He wants to stop speaking Russian altogether and only speak Ukrainian. I don’t mind if the kids know all three, but he wants nothing to do with the Russian language. Ever since his parents hometown was invaded, he completely cut it out of his life. He speaks only English and Ukrainian to me and anyone else. He wants our kids to know only English and Ukrainian. That’s it. Anyone speaking Russian can easily say that the Russian language is more active in the US than Ukrainian. Everyone important in our life speaks Russian! And none of them are actually Russian (which that was never an issue). I wouldn’t make a big deal about it, but I just found out I’m pregnant and he doesn’t know yet. So this issue needs to be resolved a lot sooner than I expected. I told him that all our family/friends speaks Russian, I speak Russian and so our kids will at least know Russian too. AITA for wanting that?
AITA for convincing my parents to not worry about leaving an inheritance and simply focus on enjoying their twilight years?
I am the "baby" of the family, and because of that I had more alone time with our parents, I was still in middle school by the time all of them were in college / living their lives, we have a 15 year age gap between the oldest and myself.
Earlier this week my parents wanted to talk to me about inheritance and stuff while I was putting up Christmas decorations. They were conflicted because their accountant said they should think about their legacy and children. I told them "F--k that" I said they should make it their goal to spend as much of that money they can together while they can still do things. I told them go have fun, do not worry about the future live solely in the moment they have earned it.
I told them not to worry about healthcare costs or anything like that, if it comes down to it I will take care of that cost. I am single, do not plan to have children and do very well for myself. When they told me one of my siblings came to them for a down payment help for a house and asked me if they should help. I was honest and said no, because I know my siblings god forbid our parents needed help I know how they are they will not raise a single finger because their own lives/families are far more important. Which I 100% respect, but like I told my dad if they have that mindset regarding giving help, they should have the same mindset regarding receiving help. They will need to figure it out.
Later that evening I got a call from my sibling asking if I told our parents they should not help them, I was honest and said they asked for my opinion and I gave it. My sibling told me I was being a "royal fucktard" and in passing said that no matter how much I suck up to them they will still get some inheritance.
I just said are you sure about that? Cause, we also spoke about that, and I suggested don't worry about us and just live their lives and focus on living in the moment, and told them they should have a goal to burn through their money while they still can. My sibling told me I was manipulating them, when I asked how he simply stated that I am encouraging our parents to be irresponsible. He asked about if they get sick, I simply told him the same thing I told our parents. I will cover all of their costs if need be no questions asked.
My sibling was pissed, called my other siblings and tried to have a meeting with our parents regarding their plan. My mom called me, and I came over. I told my siblings build their own wealth, stop trying to take shortcuts. Let our parents live, and be happy that they can enjoy their money together. Many do not get that option.
They brought up things like grandchildren college funds, trying to pull on emotional heart strings of our parents. I jumped in and said as parents that is your responsibility, not our parents. They left in a huff and puff and one my siblings told our mom she better remember this cause what they are doing is wrong.
Which got me thinking, am I in the wrong?
Update: Sorry I stopped replying, I got a tad busy. That being said I am going to leave it at this. I do appreciate the advice may not seem like it but I do. I agree I did get very lucky, I would not have anything I have now without my parents allowing me to use my college fund in the way I did. I would not have my property management company, I would not have the amount of properties I have if it was not for them. This is also why I 100% and fine with supporting them. I wish my dad would let me get his dream car, but I know my dad it will not be the same. Being gifted something you have always wanted verse getting it yourself just hits differently.
My siblings have brought it up many times why don't I just fund our parents retirement and let them sit on their investments. First of all my father is way too proud to let me do that, and I don't blame him. They have the means to be 100% free, they don't even need my help when it comes to medical and elder care related cost if need be. They would be a smarter with their money but they do not need my money. I still would much rather they go bust and have to rely on me in their final moments, then not do that one thing because it was not a good use of money.
Also, I know my siblings they would come up with a bunch of excuses why they could not help our parents if they needed, and I know it pains my parents but they also know this. Should parents expect their kids to help them in their time of need if need be? No, but it is still nice to know that kids you raised would want to help out. That is why I feel zero empathy towards my siblings, especially when it comes to the oldest. All of this drama started because someone just could not just accept our parents did not want to help them out. Could my parents be using me as a scapegoat? Maybe, idc I will gladly be the villain if that is the case. I doubt this to be the case, since my parents never mentioned me, the oldest did rightfully assume that our parents asked for my opinion.
Could I have been more diplomatic and told my parents I have no opinion, yes. Would that may have altered their choice maybe, maybe not I do not know. In the end our parents are still alive, and what they are concerned with is how much they are going to get when they pass. No matter how you try to slice it that is messed up, and I am disgusted with my siblings for how they have shown what they think of our parents.
That being said, I gladly accept being the asshole, and if this destroys our family so be it, fuck anyone that can tell their mother they should remember this imply they actually gave a crap about our parents.
My parents do have LTC insurance, great insurance coverage, already bought into a retirement community they love that does scale with the level of care they need. I am also listed as their backup if they do run out of money. I owe all I have to my parents, this is the least I can do for them.
Don't worry I am not doing this on a whim, I do have a planner that has mapped this out, and my parents have their own accountant that has been their accountant since they were in heir 20's. They are not dumb, and I doubt I had any sway in what they did, at best I just validated what they were already feeling, at worse I did tip them over the edge. Either way the choice still was on them.
Have fun, think what you want of me or the thread not going to lose any sleep over it. That being said I do agree the kids did not do anything, so I will be setting up a college account for them, just not letting my siblings know until they are 18.
My girlfriend and I have been together just under 3 years. One thing she really hates and has regularly got angry about is people who cheat in relationships which I agree with. There's never an excuse for cheating and we both seemed to have the same values about that.
One of my friends cheated on his partner last year, I didn't try to make any excuses for him, I agreed with my girlfriend when she got annoyed and ranted about how wrong he was and I did mention to him that he was out of order for doing it and most of the friendship group agreed.
My girlfriend went on a night out with some friends last weekend and the next morning she was talking about it and she mentioned one of her friend who is in a relationship was dancing with other guys, going up to random guys and having her arm around them and she tried to kiss a couple of them. One rejected her and another she only didn't kiss because another of the friends stopped her.
My girlfriend was laughing when she was talking about it and I just pointed out that her friend is actively trying to cheat on her bf then. My gf disagreed and said it wasn't like that and she wasn't cheating but I just pointed out that she is trying to kiss other men on nights out so yeah she's a cheat.
My girlfriend got annoyed and said I was wrong for talking like that about her friend but I just said my girlfriend is being a bit of a hypocrite considering her previous attitudes towards cheating and her reaction when it was one of my friends. She said I was being unfair to her for nothing but I just pointed out she's making excuses for bad behaviour when it comes to her friends.
She just repeated that I was being out of line and too harsh towards her for no reason.
AITA for pointing out hypocrisy?
Not the A-hole AITA for telling my brother the reason his kid is bullied and unpopular is due to him
My brother is the type of person who decides to be their true self without anyone’s opinions. He expresses this a ton with clothes, he will wear outrageous stuff often and his job is online so he wears his clothes often. Think lady Gaga type of clothes. One day he is in a dress and the next he is wearing skin suit.
This wasn’t a problem until recently, when he started to drop off his son for carpool. My daughter goes to the same school and I used to drive both of them. Ever since he started to do this he just embarrassed his kid. My daughter refuses to car-pull with him and wakes up early for the bus.
Now what I got from my daughter is he is know as the kid with the weird dad and bullied for it. She also informed me that she will not be helping him since she doesn’t want it coming onto her since it’s her uncle. I’m a little disappointed she won’t stand up to them but I also don’t blame her for not wanting to get involved.
It was bad today and my brother called me ranting that my daughter should stand up for him. I told him the reason his kid is bullied is due to him and he needs to send him on the bus or stop embarrassing him.
He’s pissed I blame him and being against his artist freedom. He thinks I am a huge jerk