r/AITAH Mar 17 '21

r/AITAH Lounge


A place for members of r/AITAH to chat with each other

r/AITAH 2h ago

Advice Needed AITAH for telling my husband if he fights for custody of his kids I will divorce him?


I 27F am vehemently childfree, I am sterilized and have no intention of having or caring for any child. I married my husband, 33M, last year and did not know he had any children until 5 days ago. I travel for work, work for myself, and have amazing pay for very few active working hours (I am a honeymoon planner, owning my own business); we have a joint account for bills and our own separate accounts for savings and fun money.

My husband sat me down 5 days ago and told me he hadn't been completely honest with me. And revealed he has 2 children 10M and 7F. He pays regular child support, however, it dips into his fun money and he wants to be able to have fun like I am, so he said he would fight for 50/50 custody.

I was furious he had lied to me and was even more angry when he told me he wanted 50/50. He works 12-16 hour shifts as a nurse and that would mean I would have to take care of the children when I'm not working or are working from home. I told him if he fights for custody, I will leave him. We have a prenup, so a divorce will be rather simple; I get 100% of my business, all of my savings and fun money, and the house, as I inherited it from my grandmother.

He called me an asshole and told me I should step up so that he can have more money in his savings and for fun. And because the kids won't be much hassle due to their ages. So AITA for telling him I will divorce him if he goes through with filing for custody?

r/AITAH 7h ago

[UPDATE] AITAH for 'outing' my wife's asexuality after she just let her friends gang up on me?


tl;dr of the original post though was during therapy wife came to accept she was asexual, didn't want to tell anyone out of embarrassment, made up sex stories about us and let her friends chew me out during a party instead of telling them off because of embarrassment of being ace, and I outed her when I said I was sick of being a punching bag because she was ashamed of her asexuality.

So I deleted the original post as it got pretty overwhelming. It was crossposted to a few other subreddits. I got a lot of hate in my DMs. It even made it to those Tiktoks where a TTS reads it with Minecraft gameplay in the background...which led to precisely where I am now. It had come across one of her friends' feeds two days ago, who sent it to her, which led to a conversation and a fairly productive few days.

In the time since, I did apologize for outing her, and she apologized to me for letting it get that far. She ended up telling all her friends, and none of them cared and were entirely supportive. She asked them to apologize to me because it was her who put me in that situation, but only one of them has, and it was a half-hearted one at that (paraphrasing but basically "yeah, sorry, but maybe it's best if you don't come to gatherings anymore" sort of thing). We've started back at couple's counselling too. I was happy with where things ended up after the initial conversation but we decided to go back to get everything out and hopefully find a workable way forward.

A few things I wanted to address from comments everywhere:

  • Asexuality is real. She's not low libido. She has no libido and doesn't feel that urge everyone else does. She believes she never has, but talked herself into thinking it because that's what she felt she was supposed to do. I wasn't paraphrasing, misunderstanding, or putting words in her mouth. This is her description of it.
  • A handful of people said it was entirely my fault for us not having sex and my boundary was harmful to asexual people and childish, so I wanted to clarify: my wife was the one who used the phrasing of 'maintenance sex'. She has made it clear that she has no desire for sex but will do it for me occasionally if I want it. In her words, it's a task she is happy to do to keep me happy, and I'm not comfortable with that. It's more or less a favour - like if I asked her to pick up my dry cleaning. It's not selfish or childish to want a partner to actually want to have sex with you. Otherwise, it's masturbating with someone's body, which I'm not fine with. I'm fine without sex. That part was grossly overinflated in some comments. I was uncomfortable at the lying and being thrown under the bus. I value her for far more than sex anyway. There's more that defines a relationship than sex.
  • Many people pointed out how it was weird friends sit around and talk about their sex lives. I believe so to some degree (these aren't super raunchy conversations anyway) but I see no issue in close friends being open about things like this. It's not a big deal to me personally.
  • A couple people sent me resources on being a partner to someone who is asexual and I want to thank you for that.
  • In her defence, without me asking (since I wouldn't be comfortable telling her who and who not to be friends with) she has turned down a couple of invites to go out since, and has removed the two main instigators from social media, which is enough for me.
  • Some people were confused on the ages too, everyone is late 20s to mid 30s.
  • I'm not going to divorce her, so you can stop wasting time suggesting that.

So yeah. Boring update, I know. But everything is fine.

tl;dr: Someone saw a Minecraft video with the original post. Showed my wife. Opened up further discussion. Everything worked out. Will continue working out. We've moved past it.

r/AITAH 4h ago

AITAH for suing my brother for stealing from me?


My brother Dan has always been a thief, couldn't leave my money anywhere he could access it or he would 100% definitely steal it. For our entire childhoods together, Dan regularly stole our father's cash and credit card as young as, like, 7 years old. He never stopped. Our parents are certainly annoyed by his stealing (when THEY are the victims of it) but ultimately, Dan is their beloved little baby who can't do anything wrong and they always give him a pass, no matter how many thousands of dollars he steals.

I left home at 18 and had very minimal contact with Dan for the past 9 years. I'm 27 now and Dan (who has been living with our parents since I left home) recently showed up at my doorstep saying he's intending to move out on his own but he needs somewhere to live until he finds his own place. Reticently, I said ok, but made it very clear that I would not tolerate ANY thievery. Dan had the gall to act all shocked and offended that I would even DARE imply that his innocent self would EVER steal anything. Ok, whatever, I have security cameras.

Of course, Dan robbed me blind on day 1 of him being in my house while I was at work. Came home to all my consoles and video games gone, my living room tv gone, half of my electronics gone, only reason my computer and spare tv are still there is because they were in my locked home office. Dan was gone too of course.

I called the police, reported the robbery and provided them with security footage of Dan doing it. The police said it's a civil issue and they can't help me, so I contacted a lawyer, who think it's a felony and if we bring the case, my brother will be prosecuted, which could lend him in prison. I agreed to go forward with that.

I called my mother after that, and I told her the truth, that I am going to sue Dan and he will most likely end up in prison, so she should communicate with him the message that if he wants attenuating circumstances, he still has time to return my tv, my ps5, etc. Mom immediately FREAKS OUT and demands that I stop the proceedings because my poor wittle innocent babee of a brother could actually go to prison!!! Could actually face CONSEQUENCES!!!! WE MUST ABSOLUTELY STOP THIS FROM HAPPENING. I told her no, the lawsuit is moving forward regardless, and it's up to Dan to decide how long his prison stay will be in the brief time between then and when he gets arrested.

An hour later, Dan is calling me, panicked, and he screams at me "HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO ME???!!" He refuses to return anything, but he willingly admitted to all crimes in his tirade screaming at me, and since I have an app that records all calls, I now have even more evidence for the case. Later, our father calls, same spiel, how dare I attack my poor little brother like that? Then an uncle, a couple cousins, Dan's best friend, all come to me and all agree that I am a bad person and that Dan "just took some stuff" which "is what siblings do to each other" and that I am wealthy and I can afford all of it, while Dan is broke so really I should have just given it all to him without him needing to rob me.

That's where I'm at. AITAH?

r/AITAH 12h ago

AITA for screaming at my brother that he’s the useless vegetable not my husband?


I’m sorry this is long, tldr at end

My (32F) husband ‘Keith’ (33M) got hit by a drunk driver about 10 months ago and he’s now paralyzed from the hips down. We have two daughters (5F and 2F).

It’s been really hard on him and he struggles with depression. Luckily he works at a desk job so he doesn’t have to worry about his employment, but it’s really affected him in other ways. He can’t play with our girls the way he used to. They still love him to bits but he feels guilty. He also can’t enjoy many of his old hobbies.

We got him a good therapist and he’s improving everyday with my and all our friend’s support. He’s had bad issues with his family in the past so we don’t communicate with them. He’s gotten along with my family very well up until now.

I have an older brother ‘Adam’ (35M) who is also paralyzed in a wheelchair. He was driving drunk when he was 21 and crashed. He dropped out of college and now lives a very isolated life with our parents. He spends most of his time playing video games.

He does a bit of online work every now and again but is mostly unemployed. Sometimes I wish our parents would encourage him to go out more and make some new friends, but I know I’ll never fully understand what he’s going through so I don’t comment. I didn’t want to make him feel worse.

In the past few months my husband and I have been visiting my parents a few times a week for dinner. He’s feeling better now and they only live a couple blocks down the road. Plus they love to see the girls. My brother joins us only occasionally. Over the past few dinners he’s been present at he keeps making weird and rude comments.

It started about a month and a half ago when Keith made a comment about how he’s thinking of returning to our local gym to work out his arms. Adam said something about how maybe I should just buy some at-home weights for him because people will mock him in the public gym. It got awkward and my mom quickly changed the subject.

At the next dinner Keith talked about how his friends organized a little fishing trip with him at a nearby lake in a few months. Adam chuckled and said he hoped he had fun at his pity-party. I was gonna tell him how rude that was but my dad shushed me and quickly asked our daughter something.

Adam’s comments have been increasing over the past few weeks and have become unbearable. We’ve even been going to their house less and less. I’ve snapped a him a few times only to get a pathetic half-assed apology. My parents keep saying Keith’s accident has brought up a lot of old feelings for Adam and he doesn’t truly mean what he says. They kept saying they’ll pull him aside one night and tell him to stop.

It all came to a head a couple days ago. We hadn’t been going over quite as often, but my older daughter had a ballet recital and we went to my parent’s house afterwards for dinner. Keith was telling her how proud he was but Adam cut in. He said that it’s a shame the handicapped seats in the auditorium were in the very front because she must’ve been embarrassed. Keith sternly asked him what he meant and he went on to talk about how he’s happy he got paralyzed young because he didn’t have to worry about embarrassing his kids by being a useless vegetable of a parent.

I got furious and started to scream at Adam about what a bastard he was. Keith has been doing his best to be the greatest father he can be, do well at his job, stay social + happy with his friends and he is goddamn succeeding. Which is more than I can say for Adam. Keith’s accident was not caused by his own mistake, but he has found the strength to continue with life. I know Adam has been through a lot but it was his own stupidity that made him what he is now. He can say whatever he wants, but everyone knows that he is the useless vegetable here, not Keith.

It got dead silent. Our youngest daughter began to cry. I grabbed up the girls and everything as quick as I physically could and went home. I turned my phone off because I started to get bombarded with texts. The few that I have read are my parents tearing me up for saying such cruel things. They agree Adam was out of line but I had no right to say all those things. Apparently now he won’t eat or come out of his room.

They’ve banged on my front door a couple times but I haven’t answered. Keith hasn’t wanted to talk about it all that much and I’ve heard him cry a couple times. My daughters are confused. I don’t even know what to feel. I wish that I had just told my brother to shut up and left instead of saying all of those things. I do love Adam but I still get so mad thinking of the awful things he said about my husband.

A few of my closest friends have said that even though Adam was awful he has had a really hard life since his accident. I should’ve just bit my tongue and had my parents deal with him. They suggested I apologize but then tell him how inappropriate and cruel he was. AITA?

TLDR: my husband Keith got into an accident that left him paralyzed, my brother Adam is also paralyzed, he insulted Keith and made a comment about him being a useless vegetable, I snapped and said he’s a useless vegetable, not my husband, he was very hurt and now I’m wondering if I took it too far

r/AITAH 10h ago

Advice Needed AITAH for moving out of my parents house after they sold my property? And if so what should I do next


I (18m) moved out of my parents house and moved in with my girlfriend after my mom (41f) sold my PC and all of my peripherals with it (all of those aproximated at about 2.7k USD dollars) with her and my dad's reasoning being my uncle's upcoming heart surgery, for a little background I genuinely got along great with my parents up until yesterday when I came home to find out that my pc and my peripherals were gone, (all of which were paid with my own money down to the last penny due to saving up some pretty nice winnings from my esports tournaments I participated in) upon confronting my mother, she explained to me that "I had to pitch in for my uncle's surgery anyway and this was the fastest and easiest way" completely forgetting that I did have my own bank account with even more winnings from the tournaments I participated in, my father is completely neutral about the whole situation, refusing to get involved, and today I moved in with my girlfriend after my mom villainised me to the rest of our extensive family "for not wanting to pitch in with my savings for my uncle's surgery" I have completely cut off contact with my mom and my dad is begging me to come back saying that he could fix things between me and my mom, ehat should I do and AITAH?

UPDATE 1 (~3 days after the situation above happened): My mom refuses to talk to me now, saying that anything that was under her roof is hers to manage, my dad is still neutral as hell and i'm starting to consider more and more filing a report for theft, my uncle, aunt, grandmother and grandfather are very clearly on my side.

UPDATE 2: My father has confirmed that he made sure that the PC was wiped clean before selling it, which also makes him a culprit now since I know without a shadow of doubt that he actively helped my mother sell my belongings, upon hearing "small claims court" he begged me to not do it and almost threatened me, my mother still refuses to talk to me, tomorrow i'm going back there to take any other personal belonging I had that was bought with my own money (also passport, birth certificate and so on as suggested by others here)

r/AITAH 16h ago

AITAH? My husband recorded a video of me falling down to post it online so I haven’t spoken to him in 3 weeks.


So, I want to start by saying that English isn’t my first language so if there are any mistakes, that’s the reason why, and I also want to know if I’m overreacting.

Ok, as the title says this happened 3 weeks ago, on Monday, as usual, I (29M) woke up at 6 am to go to work, I was taking a shower and everything was ok but as I stepped out of the shower I fell down, I touched the floor and it was greasy so my husband (32M) came out of our room with a camera recording everything and laughing out loud, I wanted an explanation and he said it was just a prank, he had spread butter on the floor for me to fall down because his brilliant friends thought it was a great idea to play pranks on their spouses to post them online and “go viral”, (one of the idi*ts even push his pregnant wife into a pool).

Thus, I was speechless, I was kind of in shock I felt insecure and vulnerable, I was thinking “C’mon you´re supposed to have my back not to make fun of me” so I didn’t argue, I didn’t say anything I just left for work, he even told me (before leaving) “You might angry now but I promise I will compensate you tonight”.

Throughout the day, I started analyzing the event and I found it childish, disrespectful and blatantly STUP*D, I mean thanks heavens, nothing terrible happened but what if I hadn’t grabbed the curtain and my head or neck had hit on the bathtub, I could be dead and I’m not joking, a severe head injury can be life threatening, I would never risk his integrity like that, because he is my husband, I respect him and I love him, he is usually very wise and smart but this time he acted like a fcking teenager. So that day I didn’t feel like seeing my husband then I went to my dad’s to cool down but I haven’t got home in three weeks, because I’m still angry at him (I asked my dad to go and pack my things, at first my husband didn’t want to let him in but he ended up allowing it) I haven’t even answered his calls and I’m seriously reconsidering our relationship, we’ve married for three years, he is caring and loving and had never done something as irresponsible and stup*d like this.

He has been bombarding my phone with apology messages and begging me to be back but I don’t know, tbh I don’t look at him the same way I did before.

So now, everyone (but my dad) is telling me that “it’s time to forgive, because he didn’t do it with the intention of hurting me and perhaps he didn’t see beyond consequences and didn’t think it could be life threatening, that I’m overreacting because it’s a just “a prank”, but this isn’t some 6 years old child who doesn’t see beyond the prank, this guy is a doctor, he knows what a head injury could mean, So, I don’t know guys, am I really overreacting? because everyone seems to agree that I am, even my mom does. Yeah, I know that he might not have done it hoping I would die, but it is so disrespectful and there was a change it could be life threatening.

A friend of mine recommended this space to get some unbiased opinions.

r/AITAH 7h ago

AITAH for refusing to help out my cousins financially in a dire situation?


I (32M) was asked by my grandmother (94F) during Thanksgiving to help assist my cousins financially.

My Husband (31M) and I are well off financially. As a same-sex couple who do not have kids, nor do we plan to have kids; and do not have many expenses besides our mortgage and cars. Everyone in our family knows this or assumes this as they all know our professions and/or where we live.

My married cousins (33M and 29F) currently have three children; (5M, 3M and a 6month old boy). In the Summer of 2022, July 4th to be exact; we had our first family gathering since the Pandemic. My cousins had mentioned to me in a conversation that they wanted to try for a 3rd child. This is where I told them, they were ridiculous for trying for a 3rd and that he needed to get a vasectomy. Some colorful language was used, and Cousin (29F) got upset and this caused a huge family drama.

A little background on the situation. My family (OGs in particular) still practices arranged marriages. Every generation in our clan had a close family marriage as far as the family tree went back. My parents had an arranged marriage (First Cousins; both grandmothers were full blooded sisters). My cousins (the ones mentioned above) are also part of an arranged marriage done by the OGs of the family. They are second cousins; his maternal grandmother and her paternal grandfather are half siblings. His parents (my uncle and aunt were third cousins).

Back in 2018-2019 my younger sister had gotten really sick (Lupus) but we did not know at the time. This triggered a series of tests, including genetic tests done by her doctors. She was told she was a carrier of a genetic defect that usually showed up in people who were products of “inbreeding”. Obviously, she told her doctor about our parents and family. All my siblings and a few other cousins were tested for this genetic disease. Out of 11 who tested, 5 came out positive including myself and the sister who had tested previously. One of those cousins who tested with us (29F) is the one mentioned above. She is a carrier. Both their 5M and 3M are handicapped mentally and physically; especially 5M who cannot walk.

This outburst at the July 4th party has been an ongoing conflict within the family. Tensions have been high among myself and family members who believe I am the asshole after not apologizing after the comment I made back in the Summer 2022. But as adults, we moved on with both parties expressing their opinions on the matter.

Well as you all read, my cousins had a 3rd. Doctors say he too is mentally handicapped, but do not know to what extent yet. Cousins do not have the financial means to support their family. The husband works, and the wife stays at home full-time to take care of the kids. (They are also on Govt Assistance) They currently are being evicted from their place and can no longer afford to pay for extra help.

Before my grandmother asked me to help them out financially; I had been going around the Thanksgiving Party telling my family (Siblings, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, etc…) we had a planned cruise to Alaska, a Vegas trip for my Birthday and London & Paris for two weeks in June.

Obviously, I declined to help them out; referencing my opinions back in Summer 2022 when I was asked.

Some family members are telling me I am being Petty from the family drama and for not helping them out and wasting money; when I can be helping family member who will lose their home. A comment from a few family members is “How come I am giving my Dad $1000 a month to help out with my half-brother (9M) who is Autistic; but will not extend the same help to my cousins who need it more.

As an outside party, does it seem like I am being Spiteful/Petty?

Let me know.

r/AITAH 3h ago

AITAH for breaking up with my gf when she compared my sister to her dog.


I'm 18 M, I have a sister who is 15, she has Cerebral Palsy. She can't walk, can't properly speak and her brain function is lower. She plays with toys that make noise and whenever she crawls anywhere in the house she takes her toys with her.

My gf had come over so we could prepare for a test together. She had never met my sister before, although I have told her about my family before. I told her that I usually help my sister eat and carry her up and down the stairs etc. She said that it reminds her of her dog for whom she does the same. This really pissed me off and I told her not to compare my sister to her pet. She started saying how her pet was a part of her family. I got really loud and told her we're done, she started crying, my mom heard us shouting and drove her back home.

Afterwards my parents told me that I shouldn't have shouted, but I don't think I did anything wrong with breaking up, I probably shouldn't have shouted but frankly I don't regret it much as she deserved that.

r/AITAH 21h ago

AITA for not giving up my seat?


Just got on board an American Airlines flight from Phoenix to Tampa Bay. Had just got all settled in and asked the flight attendant for a glass of water when this lady walked up to me and asked if her child could have my seat. I asked her if she knew who I was and politely told her that i would not give up my seat. She just stood there with her mouth open fuming in disbelief. I looked her up and down and asked her to please leave the cockpit.

r/AITAH 18h ago

Advice Needed AITAH for being upset about my husbands sexual fantasy?


Just to get to the point my (34f) husband (28m) were chatting and the subject about our sexual fantasies came up. I was very hesitant to tell him mine but he insisted. I told him my fantasy was to have a threesome with me and two bisexual men. Even before I met him I’ve always had this fantasy. I’ve had the opportunities to act upon them but never had the courage. My husband seemed put off but said it would never happen. He’s Muslim and though he doesn’t mind the gay community it’s not his cup of tea. I’m sure you get it.

I then m asked him his fantasy, which he replied he doesn’t really have one. We left it at that.

Today the subject came up again, I joked with him and said he thinks different of me because of my weird fantasy. He then says to me he does have a fantasy and it’s to film him fucking his uncles wife. I was like wow. I was really upset. I’m unsure why I feel this way.

I haven’t been ignoring him but he knows I’m upset. He apologized and said he’d never bring it up again but it’s too late. I feel like if the opportunity presented itself he’d do it since it’s someone he knows. I know it’s a fantasy but like am I wrong? I just feel put off. It’s like me having a fantasy of fucking my sisters husband. I’m sure he’d be upset.

Can anyone help me out here and just change my mind? Thanks.

r/AITAH 1d ago

AITIA for calling out father in law for caring about pronouns.


So I genuinely need to know if I’m the AH bc people are still mad at ME.

So on Thanksgiving we were at my wife’s parents. It was me, her, our 2 kids, my wife’s brother, his wife, their kid and my in laws along with mother in law’s two siblings.

It’s annoying for me to go over there bc they parrot whatever Fox News is saying that season. And ofc this year, pronouns got brought up. My BIL and FIL started complaining that it’s so annoying people care so much. So I chimed in that the only people I ever vocally see complain about pronouns are Republicans, like they’re doing now.

They said they don’t care about pronouns (right after complaining about pronouns). So I just “oh. Okay. Good to know.” My FIL was a real jackass about it like he is most things. My BIL was trying to keep the peace which I can appreciate.

I made the decision then and there to call my FIL “she” and “her” since he so adamantly said he didn’t care about pronouns. When my MIL asked who wanted what dessert I grabbed the “order” from people in the dining area. When I got to the kitchen I said “<Jim> said she’ll have chocolate pie”. My MIL looked confused but didn’t say anything. I’m pretty sure my FIL heard this but didn’t say anything.

Like an hour later my FIL said something a little out of character so I said “wow, did you ever think you’d hear her say that?” to my brother in law.

Well this really tripped my FIL off. He got upset and said he didn’t know what I was trying to pull but I’m not funny. I just said “my bad I thought you didn’t care about pronouns. Would you prefer I called you ‘him’?”

He never answered me and just got upset. To the point where he even threatened to take out his penis to show me he was a man. My MIL had to calm him down. It was pretty late so people began heading out soon after but it did get pretty awkward. I did feel a little bad but also I feel that my point was made. I said sorry on my way out but he didn’t respond to it.

My wife says it’s still awkward talking to her parents on the phone and I do feel bad. So AITA? My wife thinks I was out of line.

r/AITAH 5h ago

AITAH for not eating my MIL cake?


I (24F) went to my MIL(50) birthday the other day and now shes mad at me. My husband was on a bussiness trip so he counldn't make it but everthing was great until cake time. I asked MIL if there was egg in the cake and she said yes. For context I'm not allergic to eggs but I have gotten a sick eating eggs and foods that have eggs in them and I have gotten stomach aches aswell. I told MIL that I think I shouldn't eat it but she got upset and said it was her 50th birthday and it was special. She continued by saying that I wasn't even allergic to eggs and she walked away. I kinda felt bad and I'm thinking of getting a allergic test. But I don't know AITAH?

r/AITAH 15h ago

AITA for not looking after my friends kids while they stayed in bed?


I (42F) agreed to look after my friend’s (38F) children (6M 4M 2F) while she went to a concert with her husband (37M). They were planning on staying at a hotel so I would have the children overnight in their own home. However, closer to the time they decided that they would not stay in a hotel and would come home instead, meaning they’d be back around midnight and I should sleep in the kids room with them and just get up with them in the morning (5am), sort their breakfast and get them dressed ready for their various Saturday morning clubs. She added that her and husband would be super quiet and just sleep in so the kids wouldn’t know they were there! I politely told her that wouldn’t work for me but I’d care for the kids as planned, put them to bed and leave when friend and husband got home. Friend was not happy about this and said if I wouldn’t agree to see to the kids in the morning she would make alternative arrangements. I said I thought that would be best. AITA?

r/AITAH 23h ago

TW SA Aita for telling my friend “that’s not rape”


ETA: - I’m adding the TW flairs because some kind redditors message me that this post might be triggering for some survivors.

  • For anyone who says this is fake. I understand your suspicion, there are like a thousand Liz’s stories in Reddit. But personally I think if we assume every post are fake, what is the point of logging in Reddit? Just give people benefit of the doubt and if you don’t like something, keep scrolling instead of message me some weird insults. Apparently if the post isn’t to your liking, somehow I’m a liar, an incel who deserve to be raped. Old insult but tbh, really? It doesn’t happen to you so it must not be true?


I’m sorry in advance if the post is confusing and hard to understand. English isn’t my native language and I’m on phone so the format may be off.

Yesterday I (28F) hung out with my friends to discuss the birthday party of Emily (30F). She wanted to have the party at a nice restaurant in town so she talked about making reservation, the food and decoration..etc.

When Emily told us about the restaurant, Chloe (28F) said: “I will never set foot in that shit place. I was raped there. Do not have your silly party there”. To be honest, we were stunned and felt so … guilty. It felt like we made Chloe remember a terrible trauma. Emily apologized profusely and said she didn’t know.

Chloe told us that 2 years ago, when she was eating in the restaurant, a “big scary-looking man” came up up to her and asked for her social media as a way to contact her. She refused and said jokingly “I only give my phone number or my social to a guy who buy me something, like this meal for example” The man made a snarky comment “So you say I can buy you? Are you a sex worker?” then walked away.

( The word “sex worker” in my native is consider an insult. it is “phò”, “cave” or “gái gọi” here. Yes I know it’s stigmatize sex work but that’s just how it is in my language. So the guy called her a sex worker is an insult - but I don’t know how to properly translate it. I don’t know how to explain it but basically what he said was worse than it sounded, it implies she is cheap woman who sleeps with anyone for money)

And that …all, that’s all her story. Chloe said she felt so violated.

I told Chloe : “That man was rude and mean af, no excuse for him. I understand you was traumatized by his remark but that is not rape”

Chloe snapped and called me “not a girl’s girl”, “an Andrew Tate’s bitch” then she left.

Our friends took my side but after the ordeal, I somehow feel like maybe I was harsh, and maybe for Chloe that was indeed rape.

But I just thought it was really not sexual abuse. It was a verbal assault, and it was bad but can we call that an extremely terrible criminal action as rape?

I’m torn and I need Reddit honest opinion here. AITA?

r/AITAH 20h ago

AITA for cutting off my wife's access to our finances and giving her an allowance?


I (M35) have been married to my wife (F33) for 10 years, and we have a son (M7). My wife is a homemaker, and I work as an engineer. We have a joint account, and she has access to my other accounts. I've always trusted her and never controlled the money.

A few weeks ago, I noticed some strange money transactions in my rarely accessed account, going to her account. There were several dollar transfers to her account on different days. I asked my wife what she was using the money for, but she tried to evade the questions. I kept pressing, and she confessed.

She was using this money to gamble on online betting sites. She lost over $9000 in gambling in the past few weeks. She admitted to having a gambling problem and was trying to stop. I decided to cut off her access to our finances and give her an allowance.

She was very upset about this and said I was being unfair and controlling. I think I'm being reasonable. I'm not sure if I can trust her again after what she did. AITA?

r/AITAH 1d ago

AITA for sacrificing my daughter's college fund because her sister just gave birth to her 4th child?


My (48F) older daughter (24F) gave birth to her 4th child six months ago.

She used to work as a dishwasher, but due to health issues stemming from her 2nd child ( chronic back pain) and then her 3rd child ( after effects of broken tailbone and more chronic pain that made standing and moving around hard), she can no longer work. She tried her best, getting an office temp job but after about a week the woman supervising her said " This isn't working out."

She was a very uptight woman who claims just because always took her 3 days max to train everybody else to the data entry work that she can't just be a good person and accommodate slower learners. That woman likely caused her to get a bad reputation at the temp agency and she didn't get hired elsewhere.

My daughter's boyfriend (28M) works at Walmart. He had much more hours when she was pregnant, but since then his hours have ebbed and flowed. He said he will take a day in the future to look for jobs, but it's the holidays and he's busy with family.

I feel a lot of empathy for my daughter and her boyfriend and wish I could help them out more but I myself and a single mom working for a nursing home where I struggle to get full time hours and my ex ran up a lot of debt in both our names and is now living in another country.

My younger daughter (17F) has a college fund. The amount in it would be enough to pay a large amount of a 2 year community college tuition ( given the scholarships/ grants she would likely get). She's applied to 4 year universities with the understanding that she'd be taking out loans and working, so she's deciding between 4 years and community college.

The other shoe dropped after my older daughter's landlord found out that they were having her boyfriend's brother and girlfriend living in their one bedroom in exchange for them helping with the rent and they got evicted.

My daughter agrees it was wrong to lie to the landlord, and both parents are depressed because her boyfriend got a job offer one state away and they would have to move from their support network. They came to me asking for help so they could have more time to find financial stability here. I was torn but seeing my grandkids I knew my duty was to care for the most vulnerable in the family.

So I will be making calls to liquidate my daughter's college fund, saying yes to understanding the penalties, and told my daughter this. She got very cold and said " You always brag about having a good memory- I hope you remember this moment then."

She has not spoken to me since. Spent Thanksgiving inquiring at with family friends to see if hospitals are keen to hire college students for kitchen or reception or anything. Made some cryptic posts about how she hopes she'll be grateful one day that she won't have the privilege of studying anything outside of something technical because she needs something where she'll always be able to find a job in. AITA?

r/AITAH 11h ago

TW Abuse AITAH for not caring my mom is on her deathbed?


My mother had me and my sister at 19. She then had my brother shortly after. She decided to get into hard drugs and started partying a lot. A few years later when she was out with my dad she got into a fight w a group of guys and they shot at my parents hitting my dad 3x in the leg. While he was in recovery she got pregnant by another man w my sister and then left the state. She took us to her moms and her grandma. My dad ended up going to jail for theft and couldn’t get us back. That’s when my life turned to hell. My mom gave over custody of me and my sisters to her grandmother and gave my brother to her mom. She had a another baby boy and gave him to her mom. Then had another girl and let her dad keep her. Six kids she brought into the world and kept none. Life with great grandmother was hell on earth.. she beat us every single day. If she missed a day we would get woken up to a beating bc she just knew we did something bad and were being sneaky and just didn’t get caught. I remember writing in my diary why would a six be getting hit all the time just for trying to play. My mom was allowed to come visit but probably came a handful of times. One time she came to spend the night and since our trailer was infested with rats and roaches she left in the middle of the night. My great grandma would not allow us to bathe bc she said we wouldn’t get touched by men if we were dirty. We would get BEAT if she caught us trying to wash ourselves in the sink. We weren’t allowed to play outside she would spank us if we were caught. I accidentally put a hole in the all by tripping over trash so the right punishment in her eyes was bashing my head into the wall till there was another hole. When me and my sister were 8 she told us to put up a 8ft Xmas tree in the front yard & when we couldn’t we had to sleep outside in the cold. She would crush up glass and make us sleep on it. She caught me w some food I brought from school and made me pour bleach on my hands. I could go on and on about the abuse I suffered from her, there is soooo many fucked up things she did to me and my sister. Oddly she didn’t do this to my younger sister tho she was the golden child but I’m happy she didn’t get it like we did. Me and my sister ran away at 15.
We stayed w family members jumping from house to house talked to our mom here and there. We we’re cool hanging out like friends for a while but when I was 23 she tried beating me up for something small. Started yelling at me telling me she didn’t care how bad we had it growing up at her grandmas bc she never cared for us that’s why she never came around. I was hurt and cut her off. I could go into more detail but this story is already long. She just a shitty person who always picked her friends and drugs over her kids. Now I’m 26 & she’s on her deathbed from her drug use over the years and my moms side of the family thinks I’m being the asshole for not forgiving & going to go see her so she can go in peace. Apparently she’s been asking for her kids to come. So AITAH and just go and fake it? Or let her stick to how she chose to live her life not caring for her kids and go out that same way.

r/AITAH 4h ago

AITAH for baking biscuits even though it makes my partner angry?


So when I (F30) get stressed, I like to bake biscuits. When I was in university, it was cookies. I’ve always liked to bake when stressed out. I always eat a few too many of them, as I REALLY like them straight out of the oven. Baking helps me relax when I am overwhelmed. My fiancé (M30) gets super annoyed at me every time I suggest I am going to make biscuits. He has gone so far as to take all the boxes away and hide them after I have made a batch. He has different excuses for his anger, including “I just care that you’re getting enough nutrition” (I care about my nutrition as well, and ensure to eat balanced meals throughout the day, as well as walk our dog twice daily, so I am definitely in shape), “I’m sick of eating biscuits as a meal” (I made them to go alongside a large serving of an extravagant salad with peanuts, goat cheese, beets, carrots, chicken, mixed greens, and suggested that if he wanted more protein he could have an additional chicken breast), “I just want you to do something productive” (I both emptied the dishwasher and reloaded it this morning prior to walking the dog), among other things. This morning, I suggested I was going to make biscuits, and he got angry again. He said, “You just do whatever you want anyways. It doesn’t matter what I say, you just do whatever the fuck you want.”

AITAH for baking the biscuits, even though he clearly doesn’t want me to? Money is not an issue here. He also did not grow up in a family that had to pay attention to how much money was spent on food. Whenever I confront him, he can’t quite explain why it makes him so angry.

TL;DR: my fiancé gets mad at me every time I bake biscuits, despite me being in great health and having no financial insecurities

r/AITAH 1d ago

Aitah for telling my boyfriend I will get an abortion if he doesn't drop his mom?


I'm (23F) has been withy boyfriend (23M) for 8 months, we were college buddies before but we had feelings for each so we're here now.

Yesterday my boyfriend was taking me to see his mother for the first time because we had big news to tell her, I am 5 weeks pregnant with our first child. I know I'm really young to have a child. Ok, I was happy to see his mom because he talked good about her so I was intrigued and meeting her, and if I knew she didn't like me I would have never went there.

I remember when I walked in the house she looked at me like I was some different creature from another planet, she looked at me and that she looked at her son like he did something wrong. I ignored it because it was not my place to act out in someone else house so I kept it respectful, she already made dinner and I was hungry. When my boyfriend was going to make a plate for me she grabbed the plate and said" I don't want that negro eating my food, get her out this house" she said it in Spanish, I was hurt when I heard this because it's crazy how so many people are racist. I understood Spanish but I never told my boyfriend I knew Spanish because I like to be nosey and hear what people were saying.

When she said that I acted like nothing happened, my boyfriend said we can share a plate and not to be greedy or anything but I wanted my own plate but it was fine. He could tell I was upset and took me in the bathroom to talk to me, I told him that I heard what his mom said and he didn't defend me. He said that she doesn't see black people like that so it isn't normal to me and I swear I wanted to punch him in the face because why is he so dumb.

Before I stormed out the bathroom I told him that I will get an abortion if he doesn't correct his mother behavior because I'm not going to have my child around a racist grandmother to traumatize her because black people go through enough. I also threatened to breakup with him but he's acting like a baby, he's definitely a Mama's boys. Aitah?

Edited: hi everyone I'm not really going to make another poster update so I'm just going to edit on the original post, I have decided that I will be getting abortion pills from planned Parenthood because I really think I'm not ready to be a single mother as if you left alone and even if I'm far away from my ex-boyfriend mother grandparents still have the authority to our kids even if you had any. And I'm not mentally ill because I thought of abortion, not everyone is pro-life not everyone approach and then it's perfectly fine but no one should ever be ashamed about it because of their choice but I understand everyone's opinions is different and every once emotions are different as well but I do appreciate all the advice that I'm getting from everyone thank you so much!. And by the way if all the pro-lifers think they can try to make me not give you abortion and try to insult me it's not going to work because that's what you guys always do you guys should have insult women for getting abortion because you don't believe in it no one cares if you don't believe in it if you don't believe in it get over it you're acting like it's your issue get over it, you guys love to throw insults when you guys don't get your way but you guys are the ones that don't even adopt kids so let women get abortions if they want to and if not stop being miserable and get a life go touch your grass.

r/AITAH 15h ago

I 29m recently went out to breakfast with my cousin 27f, and got in a fight about who should pay. AITAH?


Here is some background on the situation I usually go out with my cousin to eat once every two weeks. I make a lot more money than her so its has never really bothered me to pay for her food. However, recently I felt that she takes my act of kindness for granted. I have been starting to feel that she wants me to pay for everything for her. Just to put it in perspective we both live in Mexico and electronics are expensive here. I was recently in USA and she message me on WhatsApp asking me to buy her an iPhone charger, once I told her the price she suddenly did not want the charger. This is not the only incident my sister also has a similar story.
Last weekend I went out to breakfast with her, and I when the check came I told her if we could split it. I have paid for her breakfast the last 20 times we have gone out and I honestly wanted to see what would happen if I made her pay for her own food. She immediately became upset at my request for her to pay for what she ate. In the car ride home we got into a heated discussion and she claimed that I am not a man because I made her pay for her own food. She also stated that we should not see each other anymore, but we could be cordial in family reunions.
Now reddit AITA for making her pay for what she ate?

r/AITAH 7h ago

My bf finally told me why he hasn’t proposed


My bf and I have been dating for about 4 years now. We started dating when I was in college. He’s a good partner, my family and friends liked him a lot, but personality wise we do clash a lot. I am more of an extrovert type and was around the party scene a lot more than he is in college. He used to be the type as well but I guess since he’s 3 years older than me he I guess grew out of it and doesn’t want to go out anymore. I don’t even really go out a lot either but since I have a big group there are bdays every month and we like to go to festivals and concerts. So financially we’re not completely the type of 25/26 years olds who are ready to go buy a damn house.

We live with 3 of my other friends because we wanted to save as much money on rent and bills. Which to me, was not a great idea because living with too many people could be tough and just stressful in general.

I have been friends with our roommates since high school and we all obviously share the same personalities and hobbies of wanting to have fun and go put.

But my bf of 4 years who used to go out a lot has basically has outgrown that phase and thinking a lot more about his health, his finances, and doing better activities that’ll not involve alcohol and going out. I on the other hand just graduated last year and got my very first job with decent salary. Obviously I kinda want to enjoy the money I have that I didn’t have back in college. I do still save but I guess not enough and consistently.

Last night we got into a fight because my friends and I are planning our festival trip which he was invited to and he got upset because he didn’t want to hear me on the phone the whole time in the car and I guess just wanted some peace and quiet as we drive home.

We got into a big argument and the marriage topic came up and his words to me was “I’m not ready to propose to you yet because I’m waiting for you to grow up.”

He’s not ready to propose to me because he feels that I’m not financially secure, have healthy habits, or think about my future enough.

To him, I’m just a 26 years old girl who’s still in high school… still wants to party and go to festivals…

AITAH for feeling offended? Or should I be more understanding?

r/AITAH 23h ago

AITAH for telling my parents that I don't want to babysit my little sister while they come down to Vegas?


I (18F) am about to hit my year mark of living in Vegas with my sister (32F) and her boyfriend (32M). Yesterday my step mom(40+ I believe)who I call my mom, and my dad (52(?)) reached out to me if I wanted to come down to where they live during Christmas and New Year's, I told them no because I didn't want to deal with the flooded airports and I already visited for my sister's birthday and Halloween in October.

That one trip was awful, I slept on a bed that made me sore down to my bone, they had nearly zero food, and the whole time they practically treated me like I was there to be a babysitter not there to visit as their daughter. So I told them no, and then they moved on and brought up them planning to come down to Vegas with their 3rd grade daughter and asked if I could watch her for them. I told them no, because they were asking me to watch her in a hotel room and not my place, and that I'm no longer their free babysitter.

I've always been a free babysitter for them, even when we went to a theme park I only got to go on one ride that I didn't want to go on, my dad did. Then afterwords I was forced to watch my sister go on rides that she could go on, I just wanted to go on one ride and I couldn't even do that and it ruined nearly the whole experience for me because I couldn't enjoy myself (this was when I was 16).

When I said no and continued to tell them no my step mom still asked again with "we would like her to have the experience" and I told her "no, I'm not in a position to watch your child, and even if I was I would have to talk to the other people who live here as well." who my father still hasn't apologized to for ruining my sister's boyfriend's birthday (I went out with them with permission from my parents and he still came and tried to crash the party and take me away early when I told him I'd be back by a certain time anyway. When I wouldn't leave with them they called the cops and my birth mom who he was and is divorced to and caused a whole s**t show that made the whole party get kicked out.)

My step mom then tried to guilt trip me with "if watching her a time or two is such an issue I can ask my mom to watch her." So I told her "That's not the issue, the issue is Vegas is NOT kid friendly, it's one of the highest s*x trafficking states in America, and with the fact she's blonde, blue eyed, and freckled she'd be extremely targeted and I'm concerned on why you're even bringing her in the first place. I still have to watch my back and how can I watch my back if I have to watch hers."

Her reaction was "It wouldn't be a whole day it would be maybe an hour." Which I knew was a lie because it's my dad, he has zero sense of time and when he says an hour he means 6. I straight up told her "No, because she's a kid you can't go into casinos with her and that's why you're asking me but that's not my problem, I didn't decide to have the kid. Having a kid means not having all the freedoms you used to have, and that's the issue because I have no car or money, I have no way to go out and do stuff with her."

I told her I talked to my sister and me and her came up with the idea since she doesn't want them to see where we live and since my dad still hasn't apologized for what he did for years (the birthday was not the first time he called cops for no reason and he still refuses to apologize) that they would like to sit down and have a dinner with them first, get to know them, let him apologize, and if that works then we can come and pick my sister up, bring her to my place while they go out, and then bring her back whenever they wanted. Which they said no to which I know for a fact is only because I brought up my older sister.

Their reply to that was "well we don't want to put your little sister through all that, I'm sorry it's such an issue." And I haven't replied. They haven't messaged me either so I'm just wondering AITAH? I have people telling me I'm not but I'm not convinced.

EDIT: Tysm everybody for the advice, I do have a tendency to try and explain myself to not feel guilty on things like this. As for the sex trafficking, I wasn't trying to use it as an excuse I was trying to bring it up as more.of something to seriously think about because it's a very serious thing. Thank you all so much for reading. ❤️

r/AITAH 12h ago

AITA for having a girl clean up her own period mess?


I had a girl over who I had been seeing for a few weeks. We started getting frisky and she said that she was on her period, still keen for sex. Personally, I'm not eager on period sex. I know some people like it more because of the lubrication and such but I'm not a big fan, especially because of the mess. I'm a very neat, hygienic person and the last thing I want is period stains on my bed.

I told her that we could just chill and not do anything but she was super horny. After some convincing I said okay. I got 2 big towels and laid them down on the bed and I told her that the last thing I want is any blood/mucus on the bed so obviously be careful. We had sex and then I got up to shower and get changed while she relaxed on the bed. Before I hopped in the bathroom, I reminded her one more time to be careful not to stain my bed and she said okay.

I came out of the shower and she was on her phone just lying there on a spot WITHOUT THE TOWEL. She gets up to go to the bathroom and there was just a bloody stain on my sheets. I could not believe it. I laid down TWO massive towels for you and you manage to squirm your way into the smallest gap between them. I was mad and I told her to clean the sheets immediately. She started cleaning it up so I calmed down BUT then she started saying how I was being an asshole for throwing a fit and we got into a fight. The bed is huge and you had all this area to freely lie around in. Instead of using 99% of the bed which would've been just fine, you somehow sneak into the 1% of the bed where you could have stained the sheets.

r/AITAH 8h ago

Girlfriend kicking me out of the family for watching porn


So last night my girlfriend found out that I watch porn and she lost her shit about it even though it had been established twice through our relationship that watching porn was fine. She is told the child to call me by my first name now (he has been calling me daddy since we picked him up from his father almost a year ago) and making me homeless but she expects me to pay her mortgage still and for her child’s daycare (child is from previous marriage) so AITAH for watching porn? She’s 28 I’m 23 I have a high sex drive. Also any advice would be greatly appreciated.

r/AITAH 2h ago

AITAH for not wanting my MIL to move in with us?


My husband (30y) and I (28y) have been together almost 8 years. He has always felt guilty about his mother’s (64y) living arrangements our entire relationship. When we first started dating his mom up and moved from Arizona to California after her 35 year old daughter had a baby. She left all of her stuff in her apartment in Arizona and expected my husband to take care of it or the landlord to have the stuff removed.

His mom lived in California with her daughter until she found her mom had illegal drugs inside her home where she had a very small child. My husband’s mom was the caretaker of this said child while her daughter worked. She obviously kicked her mom out.

My husband’s mom then rented a room nearby the daughter and had a solid job in retail. She then got in a car accident where they again found this illegal substance in her blood.

Two years later, his mom randomly decides to quit her job and move back to Arizona with no housing or plans at all. Since she didn’t even contact us about coming to Arizona we did not allow her to come to our house so she decides to try to drive to Mexico (she has family there). On her way she crashes into a tree and is stranded in a random city in southern Arizona. She expected my husband to drop everything to go help her. She ended up staying in this small town for a while and not even 7 months ago my husband got a call from her asking him to pick her up from jail in Mexico. She now sleeps on her brother’s family’s couch about 30 minutes away from us but she only calls when she needs something. Never even to come see us.

With this in mind, we do not see his mother often. The last time was when we went on vacation in California with his siblings and she joined in March 2022. We also have two young children under the age of 4. My husband constantly brings up wanting to move his mom in with our family. I always say no due to the behavior she has exhibited. I do not want any of this around my kids. My husband does not understand and says this is really important to him and how would I feel if I wanted to move my mom in but just one person was blocking it. I feel like she just uses people until she is done with them and just moves along. I understand this is very difficult to deal with for my husband but why does he keep asking when I say no? AITAH for not allowing her to move in?

Thank you so much in advance. Sorry it was so long, this is years in the making.